You Put Your Arms Around Me
by Skinny P. Sawyer
Summary: After much thought on Peyton's forgiveness, Ian escapes from prison to make her take it back. How will Peyton cope after his brutal attack? Who will she go to for help?Set a week after graduation. Warning: rape and violence
1. Regret

After much thought on Peyton's forgiveness, Ian escapes from prison to make her take it back. How will Peyton cope after his brutal attack? Who will she go to for help?Set a week after graduation.

*WARNING*. Very sensitive topic in this chapter, if you're not prepared do not read.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or settings.

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author note: i don't have a beta, frankly I don't want one. I'm sorry for the mistakes, I just prefer to work on my own on my stories.

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Peyton POV.

It was a week since graduation and I felt the best I had in a very long time. Haley had her baby last week and Brooke and I were best friends again. Also, I was with Lucas. I finally had him. I had just spent an amazing day with my friends. After going to see Haley and Baby James at the hospital, Brooke and I spent three hours under our bridge talking, laughing, crying, just being friends again. After that, Brooke went to Karen's Cafe to fill in for Haley while I went to my Boyfriend's house.  
It was amazing that I could finally call him my boyfriend. Lucas Scott, Peyton Sawyer's BOYFRIEND. I wasn't one for those head-over-heels in love crushes like most girls my age, but it was safe to say I was completely in love with everything about Lucas Scott.  
We'd spent the rest of the day on the river court. I surprised Luke with my great jump-shot. I didn't have the heart to tell him that Nathan had made me practice with him for hours in Whitey's field house. Nathan was a different person now; he would never put that pressure on Haley.

When I got home I decided to park the Comet in the garage behind my house. There was a thunderstorm coming and that was no weather to leave any 1963 Mercury out in. Especially the Comet. I entered my house through the back door and, after locking it, headed upstairs to my room. Something didn't feel right. I knew I shouldn't be scaring myself like this. Ian Banks, my stalker and 2 time attacker, was in prison. I had nothing to worry about.

I flipped on the lights in my bathroom and took a quick shower. A loud crash of thunder made me jump, but that wasn't all I'd heard. The floor creak outside the bathroom and I shut off the water and wrapped myself in a towel. I edged over to the bathroom door and pressed my ear up to it. I held my breath, straining to hear what was in the hallway.

Suddenly, the door flew open and I was pulled out into the hallway. My heart stopped when I saw the angry, much too familiar face of Ian Banks glaring back at me.  
"Don't you dare forgive me Peyton," he chuckled, "you're about to see why I don't deserve it." Lightning illuminated the hallway from the front window. I tried my best to scream, but his hand clutched too tightly at my throat as he drug me into my bedroom. He threw me to the floor and I watched, horrified as he locked each of the locks I had put on my door to keep HIM away. I got to my feet, clutching my towel around myself, i ran to my closet and slammed the doors shut.

The closet had no inside lock, I knew it was over. I had nothing to protect myself but my fists, and that hadn't been enough the night of senior prom. Only with Brooke Davis's help had he been defeated. He barged in and I gasped when I saw him pull the steak knife out of his belt.

"Okay Peyt. Listen to me and you won't get hurt-"

"NO!" I surprised the both of us. "No, Ian. Kill me if you have to, but I am NOT doing as you say. I am NEVER going to let you control me willingly EVER again."

"Peyton, you are so fucking stubborn." He advanced towards me. I threw a right hook and missed. He laughed. He grasped my throat once more and forced me to my knees.  
"You're gonna regret ever fighting us. It was always meant to be, Peyton. When you teased me on that webcam of yours I knew. I knew you were gonna be mine. You. Are. MINE." He kneed me in the chest and knocked the wind out of me. He let go of my throat and shoved the knife into my abdomen. I fell to the floor. I tried desperately to get up but he kicked me in the head. Stars and black spots blurred my vision. He yanked my towel off and laughed; "You're making this too easy. Way too easy."

Ian beat me. Every punch, every kick was leading up to something worse, I knew. I tried fighting back, but I was weak from the blood loss. He beat me more than necessary; I I was immobilized from the pain. He took his time, he waited until he was ready and he did it. He took what wasn't his. He even used the knife. It hurt so bad.  
When he was done with me, he smiled. I was only just clinging to consciousness. "Well, Peyton, you're mine now. I may as well do this." He picked up the knife and lifted my arm. I couldn't move at all, frozen in pain and terror. He started at my left shoulder and slowly, deliberately carved. I didn't know what it said, I didn't want to know. I wanted to die. He kissed me on the cheek when he was done carving. Barely conscious, very nauseous, he made me sick, literally. I vomited. I could barely move my head to prevent choking.  
"I have to leave you now" He said coldly.  
Everything went black.

I welcomed the peace and serenity of death. Ian made no sense. He was really messed up to do this. But I was free of him now. No longer in constant fear, for you cannot die once you are already dead. Was I dead?

"Baby Peyt?

"Mommy!" I gasped, I hadn't heard that voice in almost ten years.

"Peyton Elizabeth?"

"Ellie!" Suddenly they appeared. Both wearing what they had on at death. Their faces were calm, young and beautiful.

"Hey, Baby Peyt," my adoptive mother, Anna cooed, almost gliding over to me. She pulled me into an enormous hug, smoothing my hair and I burst into tears.

"Momma I miss you! Mommy don't leave me again!" I sobbed. "Please Mommy!"

"Baby, I never left you. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, Sweetie." Mommy said. She let go of me and stepped back revealing Ellie my biological mother. Ellie walked up to me and gave me a more Ellie-like hug.

"Peyton, I heard the album. I am so proud of you." She said stepping back.

"Mommy, Mom. Why-what's going on? And am I going to Heaven or Hell? Is the-"

"Baby, you aren't ready for that."

"I don't understand. I'm dead, aren't I?" I noticed the sad smiles as they started to fade away. "Mommy! Mom! You guys can't leave me again! No!"

"We love you, Peyton. Stay strong, Baby..." The echo sounded in my head of both their soothing voices. Everything was dark again. The only feeling was loneliness.

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Brooke POV

I had a pretty good day today. I was headed to my apartment. Peyton had told me earlier that she was sleeping at her house tonight because she had to do some more cleaning tonight and tomorrow. She hoped to be done cleaning this week. She couldn't just leave the house with dirty clothes and dishes for her fathers return visit in a month.  
I decided that I should go check up on her. We hadn't been apart a lot lately and I was hoping she'd ask me to stay with her.

I knew she was there. The garage's front light was on and I could make out the very top of the Comet. The front door was unlocked so I walked inside. "Peyton?" I called. No answer. I glanced up the stairs where the hall, bathroom, and bedroom lights were all on. I walked up the stairs calling her name again. When I got no answer again, I knew something was wrong.  
I checked the bathroom and behind her bed. I made my way over to the closet where my friend sometime would hide away with her music collection. Maybe she had headphones in and couldn't hear me? I yanked open the doors and gasped at the sight before me.

My best friend was hardly recognizable. She was beaten to a pulp, blood pouring from various wounds on her broken body. I ran to her side and pressed my fingers to her neck, hoping desperately for a pulse.

Thank God I felt one.

It was feeble and slow, I fumbled to grab my phone from my pocket as I pulled Peyton into my arms.

"Hello, 911 what is your emergency?"

"I'm with my best friend she has a pulse but she's dying! I need help I think she's been raped and she's so badly beaten- Oh God, he stabbed her! She's bleeding send help!" I gasped to the woman on the phone.

"Sweetie, can you give me the address and the girls name?"

I gave the woman the address and name. Almost immediately I could hear sirens coming down the road. The paramedics and police suddenly swarmed around Peyton and I. I gave her up, knowing she needed help.  
I was in hysterics as the police tried to question me. I was too overwhelmed. I left them and ran after my best friend. One of the officers grabbed me before I made it to the ambulance.

"No, she can come," and female paramedic said, "We need someone who knows her for the information. And I'm sure it wouldn't help anyone to separate them"

I thanked her profusely as the same officer who had held me back helped me into the ambulance. "Questioning at the hospital, then" he said, smiling sympathetically.

I gripped Peyton's hand as we sped off to the hospital. They hooked her up to tons of monitors and tried to stop the bleeding. We were separated at the hospital and I collapsed sobbing into a waiting room chair.  
I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see a kind old lady in nurses scrubs.

"Hun, we need you to give us some information on your friend." She began. "I'll take you to a private waiting room where you can call her friends and family. And I can help you with the paperwork, okay?" She extended her had and I took it gratefully. She lead me to a small private waiting room and showed me to a phone. I called Karen first. Peyton and I both needed a mother figure. I asked her to bring Lucas but not to tell him everything. She agreed and said she'd be there soon. I turned to the old woman and asked her if I could let Nathan know. She escorted me to Haley's room. I snuck in and woke Nathan, who was asleep on a chair. Haley was going home tomorrow. Once awake, I took him to the waiting room and explained to him what happened. He helped me with Peyton's paperwork and the kind old nurse left us to get it filed.

Then the police came in.

"Brooke Davis?" He asked. "I'm sorry ma'am but we need to gather information now. We have other evidence from the scene as to who did this to your friend, but we need your input. Would you like Mr. Scott here to stay?"  
I nodded 'yes' and let them question me.

"It was Ian. He's in jail but he's the only one who would do this to her." I said, after answering the medical questions, positive I was correct.

"Ian Banks escaped prison at 8:32 this morning." The officer confirmed.

"What!? Are you looking for him?" Nathan asked.

"We're doing all that we can, Mr. Scott." The officer responded. "Thank you for your help Ms. Davis, any new information we will sure to notify you. Has anyone notified Mr. Sawyer of his daughters condition?"

"Crap. No, sir. We don't know how she's doing anyway. Our close friend's mom is on her way though. She has his cell number." I told him. The officer told us to be sure he was notified, then he thanked us for our time and left the room.

"I don't know how I'm gonna tell Haley," Nathan sighed, "she's really close with Peyton. She'll be upset." I heard a frantic voice down the hall that I recognized as Luke's. Karen was trying to soothe him as they entered the tiny private waiting room. I ran to them and gave Karen a tight hug. She soothingly rubbed my back and asked how Peyton was.

"I don't know. They've said nothing! Peyton's dad doesn't even know yet!"

"What? I'll call him right away." Karen retreated to a corner of the room to call Larry Sawyer. I felt really awful for him. Waking up in the middle of the night to hear of his daughters attack. I wondered if he could turn the boat around and come back. They'd left just 24 hours ago.

"What happened to Peyton?" Luke asked, angrily. "Mom wouldn't tell me how bad things got."

"Luke... He raped her," I choked. It was so hard to say. "It's really bad, Luke. She almost died." Lucas dropped to a seat and buried his head in his hands. Just then a female doctor entered;

"Alright, I have some news on Ms. Peyton Sawyer." The doctor began. "I'm Dr. Wright. My colleague is working hard to stop the internal bleeding in Peyton's abdomen from the stab wound and being beaten. She's not in great shape and, I don't know if y'all are religious, but she could really use a prayer or two." Doctor Wright sighed. "Poor girl. If Brooke had waited even just a few minutes to call us, Peyton probably wouldn't have even made it this far. I'll be her doctor until she's ready to leave the hospital. If you ever have any questions or concerns regarding Ms. Sawyer, come find me." Dr. Wright gave a small smile and, seeing we had no questions, left the room.

Luke POV

We waited and waited. I wanted my Peyton to be okay. I wanted to see her. She'd been in surgery for 3 hours now. It was now about 2:30 am. We were all tired.  
Nathan had had to go back to Haley's room. They were still here because younger mothers sometimes had higher risk pregnancies and deliveries, so the doctors just wanted to be sure.  
I hoped that she would be safe soon. I didn't like the though of the love of my life under the knife. Seeing my mom like that last week was enough for me to never want to see it again.  
My mother was sat between Brooke and I. She had tears in her eyes and was staring off into nowhere. Lilly was at home with Deb, so we didn't have to worry about her. Mom had been trying to console Brooke for most of the time that we'd been here. She had drifted into a troubled sleep about 20 minutes ago. My mother now had both arms around me and we were letting the tears fall, devastated for poor Peyton. I heard a light tap on the door and Dr. Wright entered with a smile on her face.

"Brooke, Karen, Lucas?" Brooke opened her eyes and listened to the doctor. "Peyton's out of surgery. We stopped the bleeding. She received several stitches on multiple different wounds, and she has a lot of bandages. We normally only allow one visitor at this time in recovery from surgery, but I am willing to take you three to her room now. I must warn you, she looks a lot different and it may be scary for you to see her this way. There isn't much lasting damage to her face, most of that will go away with time."  
We followed Dr. Wright out of the waiting room and down a long hallway where we entered a large private room. "I'll be just down the hall if you need anything. She should be awake within a few hours." And with that, Dr. Wright was gone.

Brooke took two chairs and dragged them to the bedside. She made herself a makeshift bed and, careful not to touch any wires or tubes, she settled in taking Peyton's hand. I did the same as her with the some other chairs on the opposite side of the bed. It was hard to see Peyton's condition in the darkness of the room. My mom went home and told us she'd be back in the morning and to call if there was any change.

I couldn't sleep. All I could do was stare at Peyton's damaged face in the dim light. She had bandages wrapped securely around her head, and had stitches in her bottom lip and both cheeks. She had two black eyes and her right eye was extremely swollen. The doctor said it was easier to keep her out of a hospital gown so they could easily replace her bandages later. She was covered in a thin white sheet and a thick gray blanket. I didn't want to know what kind of damage he had caused to the rest of her body. It just wasn't fair. Why Peyton? She'd lost both mothers, been shot, her father was always away so that he could provide a life for Peyton, and she just gets beaten down. She was so strong, my Peyton. I knew she'd make it through this. If it took weeks, months, or even years, I would be there for her as long as she needed me.

Eventually I faded into a troubled sleep, thinking about what the future held for the skinny blonde beside me.


	2. I Hate Hospitals

Author note: chapters go by days. Each day is a new chapter, but I definitely won't be uploading everyday. I'll be trying to upload as often as possible.

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Chapter 2

Lucas POV.

Mom woke me the next day. Brooke was now on an extra bed that I assumed Mom had asked for for her. Mom walked over to the bedside table and placed Peyton's 'Ravens Cheer' duffle on top. She unzipped it and pulled out what I recognized as one of Peyton's favorite blankets. It was a small, pink, fleece tie blanket with black and white spots. My mom gently placed the blanket over the gray one and tucked Peyton in.

"I met with Dr. Wright," Mom began. "Peyton could wake up at any time, she needs someone to be there when she wakes. Go home, get a shower and come back, I'll be here."  
I wasn't about to fight her; Mom got fierce in stressful situations. I kissed Peyton's bandaged hand and left the hospital.

Brooke POV.

When I woke up, Karen made me go home and freshen up so that I would be prepared to stay a bit longer for Peyton. By the time I returned, Luke was back. I found him just outside P. Sawyer's door speaking with Haley and Nathan. Haley looked devastated for her friend. She was holding the little blue bundle that was James Lucas Scott tightly in her arms. Haley and Luke hugged before Nathan and Haley left to take their new baby boy home for the first time.

I entered Peyton's room, hoping to find her awake and smiling, but was disappointed to see her still lying motionless. I walked slowly toward her bedside and took her cold hand in mine. Luke joined us on the other side, taking her other hand.

"Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer, you better wake up." I said. I couldn't stop the sob that followed. "Come on now, P. Sawyer."

"Open those pretty green eyes, Peyton." Lucas begged her. "I need to see them, I need to see you. Please, Peyton, please."

I squeezed Peyton's had and almost screamed when I felt her squeeze mine back. "Peyton! Do that again!" She did. "Squeeze Luke's hand too!" I squealed with joy.

"Peyton!" Luke shouted. "Come on, P, you can do it! Open your eyes!" Peyton made a pained expression before her eyes opened just a bit. She was able to open her left eye a little better than her more swollen right eye.

"Hi, guys." She whispered.

"Oh, hi to you too little miss P. Sawyer." I said, tears of joy coming to my eyes. She reached up, squeaking in pain, to hug me. I leaned down to her and held her gently. "It's gonna be okay, Peyton, you'll see." I whispered in her ear. She let go and looked at Luke. She had tears in her eyes.

"Luke I'm sorry..." She trailed off, looking unbelievably sad.

"Why on earth are you apologizing to me?" Lucas asked.

"Because I'm-" Peyton was cut off by Karen entering the room.

"Peyton! Oh my goodness, sweetheart how are you feeling?" Karen asked.

Peyton POV.

I hurt everywhere. I remembered everything from the attack. Clear as day. It was hard not to think about it. I didn't want to wake up, I wanted to die, but I had to do this for my friends. I was glad Karen interrupted because it saved me from the conversation I wasn't quite sure I was ready to have. I thought Luke would know what I was talking about.  
When Karen asked me how I was feeling, I just broke down, sobs wracking my body painfully. Karen called for a nurse and Brooke was able to calm me down so that I could answer the nurse's questions. She administered me more pain meds through my IV, and told me not to move too much. She informed us that the doctor would be in shortly to evaluate.

"You're gonna love your doctor, Peyton." Brooke said with a half smile. "She's a really sweet lady with a slight southern accent." She said, Just as the doctor entered.

"Hello, Peyton. I'm Dr. Wright. I need to ask you questions similar to some of the nurses questions."

"Okay." I croaked. My throat was really dry, and I was in a lot of pain.

"How's your over all pain on a scale of 1-10?"

"An eight, but the nurse gave me some meds already."

After answering a few more questions, I had to have a check up. Luckily I could stay laying down for it. When they checked some of my wounds, I had to look away. I wasn't ready to see them, I was afraid to find out what the cuts on my left arm said. I hoped to God it wasn't his name because I'd probably have to slice off the rest of my arm's skin if that were the case.  
Dr. Wright told me she'd be back to tell me how long I'd have to be here, and left. I looked up at Brooke and Luke who were back at my bedside. Brooke smiled gently at me and squeezed my hand.

"How ya holding up P?" She asked. She looked so sad for me, it was breaking my heart.

"I'm a little shaken up, Brooke, it'll be a while till I'm okay again. You need to stop being sad. I need you to help me out and stop being sad." I said. Tears starting to fall once more. Brooke nodded, wiping her tears. "Brooke, I'm afraid to look. What does my arm say?"

"Uh, it says 'forever'."

"Fitting, I guess. This won't ever leave me." I sighed.

Dr. Wright came back to tell me I could be released tomorrow morning if everything was clear. The SVU then came in to question me, and I basically had to tell them everything I could remember. It was very hard but I had two of my very best friends with me throughout the whole questioning. I tried not to notice Brooke and Luke's expressions changing from sad to angry and back again as I told my story. Lucas had sat with his head in his hands when I got to the worst part. Brooke was a rock. She stayed by my side and held my hand through the whole story. I understood that this was a lot for them to take in, and why Lucas was so upset. I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want me anymore. I was damaged.

Before the cops left, they informed us that they had found Ian Banks's car in a field. He was inside with a gun in his hand and a bullet in his brain.

Ian Banks was dead. He couldn't hurt me anymore. I was relieved of the constant fear he had been causing since that first attack. It was finally over for good.

The rest of the day was uneventful; I was in so much pain I couldn't move, I drifted in and out of restless sleep. Luke and Brooke stayed with me almost every second. Lucas didn't say a word to anyone, but he refused to leave my side. When Karen came back to see me around noon he wouldn't even go to the cafeteria with her, he simply stayed glued to his chair.

Day faded into night, and Brooke and Lucas made sleeping arrangements. Brooke took the extra bed again while Luke stayed on his chair.

"Luke," I whispered, "that can't be comfortable, babe, come up on the bed with me." My voice shook; I was afraid of rejection. I didn't want this to effect our relationship.

"I don't want to hurt you, Peyton." He said, his voice cracked, I could tell he wanted to cry.

"Luke, babe, what's wrong? I'll be okay. I want you with me, you won't hurt me."

"Peyton," a sob escaped him, "I can't understand how anyone could do this."

"Luke, let's not think about that. Please, I don't think I can right now." Luke nodded and climbed onto the bed with me. He was tense, afraid to touch me anywhere other than my hand. I grabbed his arm and draped it over my ribcage. I felt better with him here.

"That doesn't hurt?" He asked.

"I does but it feels even feeling with you here with me." I whispered, slipping into my nightmares.

I woke up three hours later screaming, Luke and Brooke shushing me and trying to comfort me. They told me everything was okay and that I was safe. And after a while I was able to sleep again. It was going to be a while before I was myself again.


	3. Bad Day

Chapter 3

Peyton POV.

It was time to leave the hospital. I'd been on the phone with my father a few minutes ago. He had made arrangements for me to stay with Karen and Lucas so that I wouldn't have to be alone. He would be home tomorrow to see me before he would have to just leave again three days later. People always leave. At least he was doing it to provide for me, to make money so that I could live a happy life, or at least, a semi happy life. He couldn't protect me from fate's cruelty.

Brooke helped me change into my favorite pajama pants and a t-shirt with The Cure's name across the front that Karen had brought from my house. Luke and a nurse helped me into a wheelchair while tears fell from the pain. I hated that I was weak, but I was going to let myself need people. I wasn't going to shut anyone out this time. I needed my friends right now and I felt that I couldn't refuse help this time. I couldn't make it without them.  
Brooke draped my fleece blanket over my shoulders and wheeled me to her car. Luke sat in the back of the blue bug, and I had shotgun. We arrived at Luke's house at 8:00 am. Brooke and Karen helped me to Luke's bed and helped me get comfortable. Deb had gone to my house with a list from Brooke to collect some of my things. They were in my cheer bag sitting on Luke's dresser.

"Normally, Peyton, I would not be okay with you and Lucas in the same bed" Karen said with a chuckle, then became serious "but given the circumstances, I'll let it go."

"Thank you Karen." I said, laying my head sleepily on the soft pillows. Brooke smiled and tucked me in with my blanket and Luke's covers. She then walked over to my bag and pulled out the big stuffed dog she had given me after my mom died when I was 8. I'd slept with it every night until I started dating Nathan. He had thought it was too childish so I stopped.

"Brooke!" I protested. "That's embarrassing!" Luke tried to conceal his laughter as I hid under the covers.

"Oh shut up, Peyton," Brooke said, pulling the covers away, "you know you want him." She taunted as she tucked my stuffed dog under the covers beside me. I couldn't help but smile.

I hugged him and said; "You're right, I guess I do."

When Luke sat beside me on the bed I looked up asked him to lay with me. I closed my eyes and relaxed when he put his arms around me.

"I guess I'd better go." Brooke stated, awkwardly. My eyes flew open;

"NO!" I shouted. "Absolutely not. Get over here and stay with me. I need you too." Brooke timidly slipped into bed beside me and put her arm around me.

"Just like after prom." Brooke stated. All of us were exhausted from the long night at the hospital and the early morning drive, so we all slept for most of the day. It felt nice to have my two favorite people on either side of me, helping me when I needed them most. I wasn't used to having support from this many people.

Karen POV.

It was around noon when I went into Lucas's room to see how him and the girls were doing. Lilly was down for a nap, so I had some time to spend with them.  
My heart ached for Peyton. So much had gone wrong for her so far in her short life. The girl was an inspiration. She was so strong: she never whined about anything that had happened to her. Sure, she cried about them, but she never implied that she should get special treatment because of her emotional state. I knew Peyton would have a long time till she was back to normal. She was in a lot of physical and emotional pain right now, and I really hoped that Lucas wasn't going to push her into being intimate with him anytime in the next few months. Luke was a teenage boy, and that's usually all teenage boys ever want. I knew Luke loved Peyton more than anything else and that he would do absolutely anything for her, so I wasn't too worried.  
I was very glad that Peyton, Brooke, and Luke were all comfortable enough with each other so that they could share a bed like this. It was very important that Peyton have a support system through this tough time, especially since her father couldn't be here until late tomorrow.

I noticed that Peyton, though wrapped in her friends' arms, was slightly shivering. The covers had slipped down around her waist and her thin arms were bare other than the bandages covering her left. I tiptoed over to the bed and pulled the blankets back over her. Tears slid down her cheeks and she started to whimper in her sleep.

"Mommy come back." She breathed in her sleep. "Mommy, please don't leave me!" Her voice was getting louder which caused Lucas and Brooke to wake up. "Momma, no, no, no!"

Brooke looked up at me, a heartbroken expression on her face. "That's exactly what she said when she watched her mom die in the hospital." Brooke whimpered.

"NO MOMMY I NEED YOU! MOMMA!" Peyton awoke with a start and began to hysterically sob. "Mommy," she whimpered as Luke pulled her into his arms, "She was so real. She was there. It was like she was alive again. And she left me. I saw her when I was in my closet. Her and Ellie both." She sobbed. Brooke, Lucas, and I gave each other worried looks. "They told me to be strong and they LEFT me AGAIN." Peyton screamed.  
"Hey, sweetheart," I said, sitting on the bed and rubbing her back, "it's okay. We're still here, honey."

"I'm sorry, Karen." She looked at me, whipping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Baby doll, your mommas haven't left you. They'll always be with you. Anna and Ellie both loved you very much and they'll live in you forever." I said, pulling the fragile girl into a careful hug.

"Why does all this stuff keep happening to me, Karen?" Peyton sounded exhausted.

"I don't know baby, I don't know." I replied, sadly.

Peyton POV.

After I embarrassingly woke up my friends, Karen brought is lunch. Luke and Brooke ate sandwiches, but I felt all I could eat right now was soup. My pain meds were making me feel ill. I ended up throwing it up 10 minutes later, anyway.  
I asked for my iPod and Luke retrieved it from my bag. I put it on shuffle and smiled sadly as 'Welcome to the Black Parade' by My Chemical Romance floated through my earbuds. It reminded me of my moms. I liked this song because it told a story; Defeating personal demons and being strong in the face of tragedy. Luke sat at his desk, sending his book to more editors, while Brooke sketched some new designs on a scrap piece of paper. We were all doing normal, everyday things. I was happy that they weren't suffocating me, but at the same time, were there for me when I needed them.

Brooke eventually had to leave so she could go get some sleep. I wanted her to stay, but Karen told her to go home. Brooke said I could just call if I needed her. She helped me brush my teeth and get in clean pajamas before leaving. She gave me a gentle, but loving hug and told me she'd be here for me when I called. She kissed me on the cheek and left. Luke tucked me in for bed and asked if I wanted him to stay or leave.

"Stay Luke," I said, "I don't want to be alone."

He crawled under the covers and put his arm over me. "I love you, Peyton." He whispered. I whimpered in pain as I rolled over to face him. He had a worried expression but I continued to try to cuddle with him. I painfully moved my leg to wrap around his hips, and I draped my arm over his shoulders. When I was done moving around I felt better. It felt good to be close to him. He kissed the tip of my broken nose and smiled at me. "You're gonna be just fine, Baby."

If only he were right...

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Reviews gratefully accepted


	4. Daddy

Chapter 4

Lucas POV.

Peyton and I slept entwined in each other's embrace. I felt like maybe things were going to be okay after all. She didn't seem fearful or as upset as I had expected. She was mostly calm and level headed.  
I was awoken by a tiny squeak from the pretty blonde wrapped in my arms. Peyton started to squirm as she tightened her grip on my shoulders

"No, Ian. I love Lucas." She mumbled, barely audible. "Lucas, save me." It broke my heart that I hadn't been there to save her this time. I was always supposed to be the one there to save her.  
Her expression became pained and suddenly her eyes popped open, her breathing was heavy and she looked terrified. "Luke, Luke, oh my God. Lucas!" She buried her face in my shirt for a moment before twisting to the side and vomiting onto the floor.

"Peyton!" I gasped. I grabbed the waste basket for her and held her hair back. When she was done I went and got her a cold wash cloth. I wiped her mouth then helped her lay down again. Then I folded the washcloth and placed it across her forehead. "Do you need more pain meds?" I had noticed her groan when I laid her back down. She nodded as fresh tears flowed from her eyes.

"Sorry about your floor, Luke."

"No problem, Peyt. I'll clean it up." I said as Karen barged into my room.

"Lucas Scott, what's going on? Is Peyton alright?" She asked, looking worried.

"She just got a little sick, that's all. I got it Ma."

"No, Luke. Take care of your girlfriend and I'll clean it up. I'm an expert. You never understood to go to the toilet when you were younger." Karen laughed.

"Karen I am so sorry!" Peyton sobbed, weakly.

Peyton POV.

I was more embarrassed than anything else. This was terrible and I felt so bad that someone else had to clean it up. I was really feeling my injuries. I had a concussion, a cracked sternum, 5 broken ribs, a broken wrist, and my nose was broken. Not to mention my stab wound and all the other knife damage. Luckily my nose was still in place, so all I had to do about it was take my pain meds.  
I could feel the searing pain from all the moving around I'd just done. Luke got my meds and poured the pill into his hand. He grabbed my cup of water from the nightstand and tipped it so that I could take a sip. He then slipped the Vicodin pill into my mouth and I swallowed. I closed my eyes and tried to steady my own breathing. I could hear Karen and Luke moving about the room, cleaning my mess. I opened my eyes back up so that I could keep track of Luke. My subconscious was making me paranoid.

After they were done cleaning, Karen walked over to me and kissed me on the forehead, wishing me a good sleep and telling Lucas she loved him before exiting the room, switching off the lights as she went. Luke climbed back into the bed, and as he was about to lay down, there was a light tap on his door. Lucas cautiously peaked out the curtains as I hid beneath the covers. He opened the door to reveal the person outside.

Brooke rushed into the room, kicking her shoes off and jumping into the bed, and pulling the covers over herself. "I couldn't sleep. I needed to make sure my best friend was okay and, well, I was just really lonely I guess." She admitted.

"You're welcome here any time Brooke." Lucas said, smiling. Brooke smiled at him, then turned her eyes to me:

"Why do you look so pale and sickly, P?" Brooke asked, worried.

"I had a nightmare and threw up like 10 minutes ago." I admitted.

"Oh, well it's 3am so let's all get some much needed shut-eye before your dad gets here at 5pm tomorrow, or I guess today." Brooke said pulling on Luke's arm across me to get him in bed. Luke and Brooke both kissed me on either cheek before we all tried to sleep again.

It was about noon when we woke up. I was still really sore so Luke and Brooke helped me to the kitchen for some breakfast. Karen had made pancakes, French toast, and bacon for all of us to eat. She wasn't surprised to see Brooke back with us, so she had made enough for us all. It was really good and I hoped that I would be able to keep it down.  
Karen brought Lilly over for us too see: Lilly was a pretty little thing. She had a bit of light brown hair and she had Keith's eyes. I hoped that one day I could have a little girl to call my own.  
I really wanted Luke and I to be together forever, but I was terrified that he would get tired of not having sex and leave me. I knew Luke wasn't like that, he understood why I couldn't right now. Even if I wanted to, the doctor told me that I should probably wait a month or two to avoid pain or the risk of the scars splitting open. He told me It would be just like losing my virginity all over again. Which I wasn't exactly excited for. It hurt like hell the last time, and probably would hurt even more this time.

We all moved into the living room to watch some tv. Luke sat me on his lap and wrapped his arms around my waist. I loved that he still seemed to be okay with me. I was so lucky to have him. Brooke was being forced to live with her parents in LA in a couple weeks, and Karen and Lilly were going off to find Andy and travel the world together. Nathan and Haley and everyone else were going off to college, and Luke was going to coach basketball. I was considering going with Brooke and taking an internship at a big label, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to work on my own without someone familiar  
with me. I wasn't sure I could leave Lucas.

Haley and Nathan were bringing little James over to see us today before my dad would be here. 'James' was such a proper name, he needed a nickname like 'Jamie' or something. I was excited to see him. Luke showed me a picture on his phone of the cute little one-week-old baby with a soft tuft of blonde hair.  
We watched 'Family Guy' for a while and I was able to actually laugh. Laughing really hurt, but it felt good to feel free enough from the fear to laugh. Luke laughed with me and ran his hand through my hair.

"I love your hair, P." He said. I could hear his smile in his voice, and it made me smile. "I love it natural and curly. It was crazy back early junior year. But I think it was in its prime by the end of it when it was bright yellow and you had those pretty curls. Don't get me wrong, I like it this color too, but damn that color was almost blinding."I laughed as he pulled me to the side so he could kiss my cheek. "I love you, Peyton Sawyer, and I missed that laugh.

"Aww Luke, I love you too."

I jumped a little when I heard a knock at the door, but relaxed realizing it was just Haley and Nathan. Brooke skipped happily over to the door to let them in. They had Jamie in his car seat, which they sat on the floor and came over to see me and Luke.

"Hey, Peyton. How are you doing?" Haley asked, extending her arms for a hug. I leaned up from my seat on Luke to wrap my arms around her neck. I could feel the tears coming but I was going to try to be strong.

"I'm okay, I think. The pain meds are helping, but they make me sick sometimes." I sighed letting go of her so that Nathan could hug me as well. "I have a bit of a headache, actually." I hadn't noticed it before. Luke turned me in his lap so that I could rest my head on his shoulder.

"It's probably that concussion, Peyt." He told me, rubbing my arm. It was soothing until he put too much pressure on it.

"OW! Ow, Luke that's my bad arm!" I gasped. I could feel the sting of each individual carved letter and I started to cry.

Luke immediately took his hand away. "Peyton I'm so sorry! Hey, it's okay!" He tried to soothe me. I sniffled and tried to hold in my tears.

"It's okay, Luke. I'm okay." I reassured him. Brooke smiled bringing James over to Luke and me. I extended my arms and asked to hold him, and after the 'okay' from Haley, Brooke placed James in my arms

"Hey there, Jamie." I cooed.

"Huh, Jamie. I like that!" Haley said, smiling.

"He's precious, Haley." I said, smiling happily at the tiny little boy in my arms. Lucas gently moved me off his lap and onto the couch so that he could get a good look at James Lucas Scott.

"Handsome kid, ya got there, Hales. Just like his uncle!" Luke joked. He took Jamie from my arms and smiled at him.

We all sat around and talked for a while. It was around 4:30 when they left. Brooke was babysitting Lilly while Karen went to pick up my father from the airport. He'd had to fly in from his port in Florida today to come see me. I was really nervous to tell my father about what had happened four nights ago. I couldn't believe how much time had already passed since the attack. I still couldn't get the images out of my mind. I hadn't been back to my house, and Lucas hadn't left my side. I wanted to be okay, and be independent. I just didn't think I could handle that yet.

When my father walked in the house behind Karen, he scanned the room for me. Once he spotted me, he ran to me and scooped me up out of Luke's arms.

"Baby girl, I am so sorry. Daddy's here." He held me and hugged me too tight. It was nice to see my dad but he was hurting me.

"Daddy, Daddy, that hurts! Please put me down!" I exclaimed.

"Oh! I'm so sorry Peyton!" He said, putting me on my feet. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, Dad. Really hurting, not from you, just hurting." I sighed sitting back down beside Luke. Brooke walked over and sat on my other side, while my dad took the armchair.

"So Peyton, um, baby girl," my father was struggling for words, "could you tell me what he did to you. Injury wise, I mean. Like, what's broken like your wrist?" He asked, pointing to my purple cast. I listed all my injuries while my dad sat taking everything in.

"I'm gonna be okay, Daddy. You know I can handle this."

"Peyton, this is a lot different than what you've been in through in the past."

"I was almost raped junior year. It's not that much different. It's like a combination of that and being beaten, that's all."

"Don't try to downplay this- And why is this the first time I am hearing of you almost being raped junior year?!" My dad looked angry, he sat on the edge of his seat, staring me down.

"Um, well," I mumbled, "Brooke and I went to a party at Duke. This kid who seemed really cool roofied my drink, but Brooke got me out and Luke picked us up and helped Brooke take care of me."

"I'm glad you have your friends. You really need them right now, especially since I have to go again in 3 days."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks for coming, Daddy. It means a lot."

"You're my daughter, Peyton, We've been through a lot together. I needed to be sure you were okay."

"Dad, are you gonna make me come home?" I asked timidly.

"Yes, but Lucas and Brooke can come, of course."

"Thanks, Daddy."

When I got home Brooke took me to my room to see that Haley had redone my closet. It was painted purple now, instead of black so that it was different but still had the cool glow from the lighting. She had also moved my desk to the other side and replaced the old, probably bloody rug with a new one. I liked my new closet, it didn't remind me of that terrible night. The doors were the same though, mine and Brooke's random writings burning white on the black surface.

"So P. Sawyer," Brooke began, "do you need help showering? I'm sure Luke would help. I'd help you if you took a bath instead, but I know you only take those when-"

"Brooke!" I cut her off. "Not in front of Luke and Dad!" I hissed. Nodding my head sharply in the direction of the two men walking up the stairs to my room.

"Sorry," Brooke laughed, "anyway, I'm sure Luke would help, if you're comfortable with that." I wasn't sure. Any other day I would jump at the opportunity to shower with Lucas, but I wasn't sure if I wanted him to see my damaged body.

"I'd be happy to help!" Luke said, wrapping his arms around me from behind. "What exactly am I helping with?"

"Peyton might need help showering." Brooke said, casually.

"I will be just fine." I stated stubbornly.

"Peyton don't be ridiculous, you can barely move. I could at least help you get in and out." Luke offered.

"I guess you'll see my scars sometime anyway. Might as well see the whole thing." I sighed, defeated.

"Lucas, Peyton," my dad started, "you know I would definitely not allow this any other time, but I want to make things as easy as possible for my little girl."

"Thank you, Dad." I said, as Luke and I headed off to my bathroom, leaving Brooke to put my things away for me.

Once in the bathroom, Lucas shut and locked the door. I took a deep breath before pulling my shirt off.

"P, you don't have to do this if you're not ready. But I won't judge you at all for your condition. I'll still love you, Baby." Luke assured me that I could trust him. I pulled off my sports bra and pulled down my pants. Luke helped me remove all my old bandages and threw them in the trash. I was afraid to take off my last article of clothing. I wasn't sure what I was afraid of; he wouldn't be looking directly at it anyway. I took another deep breath before finishing my strip down. There were tears in Lucas's eyes as he looked me up and down. He approached me and pulled my hair tie out so my hair fell from its ponytail down to my shoulders. "You're still beautiful." He stated, kissing my shoulder.  
He turned on the water and made sure of the temperature before helping me in. I couldn't help myself; I grabbed his face and pulled his lips to mine. When he didn't pull away but deepened the kiss, I knew he was honest. He still loved me. He pulled his clothes off when we broke apart for air. He joined me in the shower and continued to kiss me. It was complete bliss being so close to Luke, I almost forgot my condition.

"Luke, we gotta stop, babe." I panted, pressing my forehead to his before we could go further. "Sorry, Doc said 6-8 weeks. I really want to but it would hurt me more than it would feel good right now. And... Um I'm scared."

"You have nothing to apologize for, it's okay." Luke said. He grabbed some shampoo from the shelf. "Now for that shower?" I smiled pathetically at him and nodded.

After we were both done showering, Lucas shut the water off and stepped out. He then turned to help me out of the shower. The hot water had helped ease my tense muscles, so I didn't need as much help now. The water had stung at first, but then had felt better. Luke dried me with a dark colored towel, dabbing carefully at my cuts, some of which had started to bleed again. After drying and dressing himself, he sat me on the toilet lid and started the re-bandaging process. When he was finished he wrapped me in the towel and lead me to my room.

My father had gone to make dinner, so it was just Brooke to greet us once we were in my room. Brooke watched us suspiciously as Lucas helped me dress in a big t-shirt and pajama shorts.

"Did you you get in she shower with her, Luke?" Brooke asked, eyeing his damp hair.

"Maybe." Luke chuckled.

"You totally did!" She exclaimed. "Did you guys do it?"

"No, Brooke. Sorry to burst your nosey bubble, but I have another 5 and a half Weeks before I can even think about that according to the doctor." I told her.  
Lucas sat me on my bed and brushed my hair out for me. Brooke then put it in a French braid. I was so grateful for my amazing friends. We then headed down the stairs for dinner. Dad had made spaghetti for all of us and I was able to eat a little bit. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to keep it down. I hadn't taken too many pain meds today, so hopefully it wouldn't be as bad. I felt a lot better than I had last night anyway so hopefully I'd be fine.

"So," Brooke began, breaking the awkward silence, "We were supposed to go shopping with Haley for Jamie and for their college dorm stuff. I don't mean to be insensitive, Peyton, but are you still coming?"

"Yeah, sure." I responded. Brooke, Lucas, and my dad all looked at me like I was crazy.

"You sure, Peyton?" Luke asked.

"Yeah. I gotta get out of the house sometime, and I reckon the whole town has heard by now anyway."

"It's kinda soon, P." Brooke stated.

"Well unless you don't want me to go, I'm coming. I can do it." I snapped. "The pain isn't as bad as it was. I'll be fine."

"Okay then, I'll pick you up at 9am sharp. Be ready." Brooke said.

We continued dinner in silence, and before long, I was feeling tired and nauseous again. I leaned on Luke's shoulder trying my hardest to not throw up my entire dinner. It was about 9 when Brooke decided it was time to go home.

"Bye, P. Sawyer, be good for Luke and your dad, okay?" She said walking over and hugging me. "I love you, remember 9am."

"Got it B. Love you too." I responded. Brooke kissed me on the cheek before gabbing her keys, saying goodbye to Luke and thanking my father for dinner, and leaving.

"Oh yeah. Daddy, I forgot to ask; can Lucas stay the night?" I looked up at him and batted my eyelashes. The 'daddy' trick always worked.

"Oh, okay. But his stay expires in 6 weeks." Dad joked.

"Why 6 weeks- oh! Dad! Ugh why do you know that?" I was so embarrassed. Dad was only letting Lucas stay cause I couldn't have sex.

"Karen told me everything the doctor told her." He said. "My house, my rules." It's not like it mattered anyway. Dad would only be here for his monthly return.

"Whatever, Dad." I said, sounding very teenagerish. "Good night, Daddy, love you." I kissed him on the cheek.

"Love you too, Peyton. Take the throw-up bucket to bed with you. I can tell you don't feel well."

"Okay, Dad." I took Luke's hand and lead him up the stairs to the hall closet, where I retrieved the pale pink, rectangular bucket. It was like the ones they had in hospitals.

"You have a throw-up bucket?" Luke asked, laughing.

"Yep. I used to get really sick when I was little and my mom made me keep this with me when I was sick." I told him.  
We brushed our teeth then we went into my room for bed. After shutting the door, Luke tucked me into bed and climbed in beside me. We snuggled up close to each other and Luke held me close. I felt so incredibly safe in his arms, It was as if nothing could hurt me when I was with him. In the safety of his arms, I slept peacefully.

Lucas POV.

I waited until Peyton was fast asleep before finally relaxing to fall asleep myself. She looked like and angel when she slept. She looked innocent and free of her burdens, and most of all she looked peaceful. Her breathing was still a little labored because of her broken ribs and cracked sternum, but she was at peace, even if momentarily. And because of that, I was too.


	5. Aftermath

Chapter 5

Peyton POV.

It was foolish of me to believe I would sleep through the night. It was around 2am when I woke up screaming from another dream I couldn't remember. His face was all I could see, sneering at me.  
I could feel Lucas trying to shake me awake but I couldn't open my eyes. All I could do was see him. Luke was trying desperately to break me from my awful nightmare.

"Peyton! Peyton, Baby wake up!" Luke begged. "It's only a bad dream!"

"Lucas!" I shouted as my eyes finally opened. I clung to Luke and sobbed into his shoulder. Lucas held me tight and shushed me, rocking me side to side. I looked up momentarily to see my dad standing helplessly in the doorway. I tried my hardest to stop crying. I was sick of crying because of Ian. I wasn't going to let this keep ruining my life.  
My father walked up to the bed and put a hand on Luke's shoulder. "Let me see my little girl, son." He said. Lucas allowed me to crawl from his arms to my fathers. I wasn't sure how he still could, but my father lifted me off the bed and held me like I was little again, caring and gentle. Much like he had after my mom died. After a few minutes, he set me back on the bed. Lucas rubbed my back as my dad bent down to look me in the eyes. I wiped at my tears as I looked back at him.

"Peyton," Dad sighed, "pretty little Peyton. You're so strong, and I know that you're going to be just fine. It was only a bad dream, sweetheart."

"Okay, Daddy, I'm okay." I sniffled. This sucked. I absolutely hated being this weak.

"Alright, kiddo. Get some sleep." Daddy gave me a hug before leaving the room, shutting the door behind him.

"L-Luke I'm really cold." I said, shivering. Lucas nodded and went to get some extra blankets from my closet.

"How many blankets, Baby?"

"All of them." Lucas brought all five blankets and piled them all on top of me. He then climbed under them and held me close. "Luke?"

"What's up?"

"What's gonna happen? I mean when everyone else is off to college or LA, and when you'll be coaching. I won't have anyone."

"Well you could always go with me or Brooke. I'd prefer you go with me, but Brooke told me about that internship. I know you want to go."

I shook my head. "No, Luke. I did want to go, but I don't think I do anymore. I'm afraid."

"Peyton, you don't have to be. Ian is dead."

"It's not just that Luke. I'm afraid of new people. I don't want to let anyone in, I don't want this to happen again. Brooke will be gone eventually and I'll have no one."

"I want you to be able to go on with your life, Peyton. I think you should do the internship, but I want you to come with me. In reality it's your choice. I want you to make the right decision. You still have a few weeks to decide, Baby, so take your time." Lucas ran his had through my hair and kissed my forehead. "For now, just sleep. Okay? I love you."

"Love you too, Luke."

I woke around 7:30am. I jumped up from the bed and ran to the bathroom, I felt like i was gonna pee my pants. I got to the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I could hear Lucas following me down the hallway and I froze. Suddenly I was back on that stormy night listening to the creaking floor and he crept up to the bathroom door. I locked the door and slid down it, sitting against it on the floor. I could feel the panic setting in. I knew it was only Luke, but it reminded me of him. I was starting to hyperventilate as tears slid down my cheeks. My heart almost stopped when Luke knocked on the door and jiggled the handle.

"Peyton, open up! Are you okay?" He called.

"Lucas. It better be just you out there." I said with a shaky voice.

"Who else would it be?" He chuckled. "Let me in, P." I stood, yanked the door open, and pulled him inside before slamming the door again.

"Luke, do NOT creep up on the door like that." I said firmly.

"Peyton, what-"

"Lucas! It's how HE caught me!" I yelled at him, hitting his chest lightly, the tears flowing freely.

"Peyton, I'm sorry, Baby. Please forgive me. I didn't know." He held me as I cried. Eventually I was able to get it together. I actually started to giggle as I pushed him out the door.

"Luke, if you don't leave right now I'm gonna pee my pants." I laughed. "Leave!" I gave him a final shove out the door.

After that we both went down to the kitchen for breakfast. Dad had made eggs and toast for us. I was surprisingly ravenous and ate 3 eggs and 2 pieces of toast before I was satisfied. When Luke and I were both done my father smiled and took our plates to the sink.

"You're in a much better mood today, Peyton." Dad stated cheerily.

"I am, Dad. I get to go out today!"

"I know. I want you to be careful, you call me, Lucas, or Karen if you need us, okay?"

"Of course, Dad, I'm not a baby anymore." I giggled. "I'll be fine. I'll have Brooke and Haley!"

Luke and I walked up the stairs to get ready. I took my hair out of its braid and put it right back up into a ponytail. After dressing in my Sunkist shirt and a pair of jeans. I glanced down at my shoe collection and chose my black Converse. Lucas came into my closet dressed and ready to go.

"Peyton, are those the shoes-"

"Yes," I interrupted, stroking the bloodstained laces on the left shoe, "these are what I was wearing the day of the school shooting." I gave them to him so that he could slip them on to my feet, as it was difficult for me to bend over and do it myself.

"So you're just gonna leave your arm out like that?" Luke asked, pointing to my left arm.

"Yeah. It's too hot for a jacket, and it's wrapped up pretty good." I gently ran my hand down my arm before I remembered my torn up, bruised face. "I guess I should fix my face though." Luke accompanied me as I headed to the bathroom to put on makeup. I had put on tons of it before the bruises were even semi-concealed. I turned to Luke, a frown on my face and tears welling up in my eyes.

"Peyton, you look beautiful. I can barely see the bruises, but only because I know where to look." Luke took me in his arms and gave me a long hug before letting me go and leading me down the stairs.

"You look great, Hun," Dad said as we walked into the foyer, "how'd you cover all that up?"

"Lots and lots of makeup. I usually only wear a little eye makeup, so it feels pretty weird." I told him wincing. God, even wincing hurt.

I heard a honk outside so Luke and I headed out to meet Brooke. We had to take Lucas home before we picked up Haley. I approached Brooke's blue bug and leaned in the window.

"Hey, can we take the Comet?" I asked.

"If you're sure you wanna drive, then be my guest." Brooke responded. "Let me just put the top up.

The three of us went to the garage where I'd left the Comet four nights prior. I couldn't believe it had been so long since I'd driven my baby. I smiled as I climbed into the drivers side and I inhaled the vintage car smell, running my hands around the wheel. I asked Brooke and Luke to put the top down before they climbed in. We could all fit on the front bench seat, Brooke in the middle.

When we got to Luke's house, I got out to give him a hug. This was going to be the first time away form him since leaving the hospital. He hugged me tight and kissed the tip of my nose.

"Now you call me if you need me, okay?" He said as he held me at arms length.

"Yeah, Luke. Thanks for being there for me. I love you."

"I love you too, Baby." He hugged me one last time before letting me go back to my car. Brooke and I watched him go inside before taking off again. I let the Comet pick up speed as we drove to Haley's. Brooke cranked the radio up to my favorite station as the wind blew through our hair.

Once we were at the mall after picking Haley up. I parked and put the top up. Brooke and Haley both took my hand and we walked into the building. We went to various stores, I was getting a lot do stares and Brooke and Haley never left my side. I didn't want to be a burden on them but I wasn't about to make them go away. I felt vulnerable out in public and, being completely honest with myself, I needed them here.

We saw a few girls from the JV cheer squad who were moving up to varsity this year, basically taking our place. We greeted them kindly and stopped to talk.

"So Peyton," the larger blonde, Heather began, "weren't you like, raped a few days ago?" I was taken aback by her rudeness.

"Oh my God, Heather, you don't just ask if she's been raped." The other, Alison said. I folded my arms uncomfortably and looked down at the floor.

"I was gonna wish you luck on varsity, but not anymore." Brooke said. She took my hand and the three of us continued on our way.

We got a pretty good amount of stuff at the mall: Haley found tons of clothes for herself and Jamie, along with things they'd need for their place at the college. Brooke found tons of clothes and a new suitcase to pack them in. She was gonna let me pick anything out of her old clothes to keep before she left for LA. I got some new clothes and a few CDs. We packed everything into the Comet and headed back for my house. I called Luke to tell him everything went well and that he should meet us at my house in 10 minutes. Brooke and I dropped Haley off at her house before continuing and meeting Lucas at mine.

"It's been a pretty good day, B. Davis." I stated, smiling at Brooke. "I'm happy, I wasn't thinking negative thoughts all day, it's been great."

"I'm glad you're happy, P. Sawyer." Brooke responded. "Hey, can I stay the night instead of Luke? The apartment is so empty without you."

"I dont know, Brooke. I mean, you can totally stay," I said as we turned on to my street, "I just don't know how Ill do without Lucas. He's like a security blanket, ya know?"

"That's a funny way of putting it, but yeah, I get it. Can I stay?"

"Of course, Brooke."

"Thanks, P." Brooke and I pulled up to my house to find Luke's car already parked on the street. We walked inside to find Luke and Larry sitting at the table staring intently at a newspaper. When they heard Brooke and I Luke stood up and Dad quickly closed the paper.

"Hey, Baby! How was your day?" Lucas came to hug Brooke and me. "You girls have fun?"

"Yeah, it was good to get my mind off things." I glanced at my father. "What were you reading?"

"Oh nothing, Honey." Dad said as he pushed the paper into a drawer. That was unusual, they must be hiding something. Luke tried to hold me back but I broke away and found the paper.

"WANTED PSYCHOPATH RAPIST COMITS SUICIDE"

The headline stood out, drawing in my curiosity as I sat down at the table where Brooke joined me. It didn't say much but it included my name and my age. I wasn't particularly okay with that but everyone would find out eventually, or put two and two together. It said that I had been rushed to the hospital with internal bleeding and a few broken bones. It also included when I was released. Mostly it talked about Ian and about he had psychological issues after his girlfriends death in Texas, and how he'd found me online and stalked me for almost a year before finally showing himself to me and pretending to be my long lost brother. The whole situation was just fucked up. I slammed the paper down on the table. And looked up to my father and Lucas.

"I don't think they can put you're name in without asking," Dad began.

"Daddy, it doesn't matter. Everyone would find out anyway, it's a small town." I sighed.

After dinner, I got up and stomped up the stairs. I could feel a childlike tantrum coming on. I usually only threw tantrums if I was alone or with Brooke. They didn't happen often anymore, and only when I was under extreme stress.  
Brooke and Luke followed me up the stairs while I threw myself onto my bed and screamed into my pillow. Landing on the bed had really hurt my chest and ribs, so that caused me to scream even more with pain and frustration. I heard Brooke send Lucas back downstairs. He'd never seen on of my mental breakdowns, and I really didn't want him to. It was so embarrassing.  
Brooke came over to me and tried to soothe me. I flipped myself over and kicked furiously, screaming and crying "It's not fair! It's not fair!" Over and over again. Brooke stood back and waited for me to run out of steam. Eventually, I just laid on my bed sobbing weakly.

"Brooke, it's not fair." I groaned.

"I know, Honey. I'm not going to tell you that life's not fair cause that's like a slap in the face, but really Peyton, sometimes really bad things happen to really good people. You just happened to have a lot of really bad things happen to you. I'm sorry, I wish I could help."

"Brooke, you've done more than you know just by being my best friend and being here for me. I couldn't do this without you, B. Davis." I sniffled. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

Lucas POV.

Brooke had nearly pushed me down the stairs when she heard Peyton screaming into her pillow. I was extremely worried about my girlfriend, but Brooke could could be deadly when she didn't get her way, so I did as I was told and went back. Larry was waiting at the bottom of the stairs when I reached him. He winced when we heard an angry screech from upstairs followed by depressing wails, and more screeching.

"She did that a lot after her mom died." Larry sighed. "I thought she'd grown out of them, but I guess this made the tantrums come back. I hope it doesn't last long."

"She's being so strong. I guess she needs to just let it all out. I think she's really lost. She talks in her sleep a lot, even after her nightly wake up. Sometimes she'll beg for her mom, or cry out for Brooke, Ellie, you, or me. It's heartbreaking."

"She cries out for me?" Larry asked, surprised.

"Yeah, she's not very loud but she's pretty clear."

"She never seems like she needs me. I'll bet you anything; when I ask her if she wants me to stay she'll say no." Larry sighed.

"Peyton doesn't like needing people. She's really closed off, so I guess Brooke and I are lucky that she lets us in. I hate to say it, sir, but there's really nothing else you can do." I sighed, glancing up the stairs. We couldn't hear anymore screaming or crying so Larry and I headed up the stairs.

"Peyton," Larry began, stepping into her room, "hey, kiddo. You okay?"

Peyton looked up from Brooke's shoulder and sniffled. "Yeah, Daddy. I think I'm gonna go take a shower." Peyton stood and slipped around Larry and I and escaped out to the hallway.

"I guess I'm going to bed. Thank you for being here for my little girl." Larry gave a half smile before going to his own room.

Brooke and I sat in silence, listening for any sound from the bathroom other than the shower. Brooke frowned when we heard Peyton's heart-wrenching sobs over the sound of the running water. I put my arm around Brooke as we sat and listened. Peyton needed time to cry it out by herself.

Peyton POV.

I was sitting in the shower, letting the water cascade down my bare back. I let the sobs come out. I knew my friends could hear me, but I didn't care. I stood up and shut the shower off before climbing out and drying off. When I saw the orange bottle sitting on the sink I remembered I hadn't taken any pain meds since this morning. After my tantrum I was feeling awful, so I went ahead and took one. I felt the strange urge to take another, and another. When I realized what I was about to do, I poured the handful of pills back into the bottle and fell to my knees. That was NOT who I was. I refused to believe I'd ever become that person. I'd done cocain once and I knew that if I'd done it the second time I wouldn't have been able to stop. I was terrified that if I tried this, I would be hooked. I could feel the fear building up inside me, battling with the urge to take all the pills left in that bottle and pour them down my throat all at once.

"LUCAS!" I screamed, pressing myself against the wall as far away from the bottle as possible. "LUCAS!" Luke rushed into the bathroom, taking my naked body into his arm.

"Hey, pretty girl, hey, it's okay. What's wrong?" Luke asked. I clung to him as I sobbed.

"Luke, take my pain meds."

"What?"

"Just take them, okay!?" I said a little too sharply. "Take them, so that you can give then to me only when I need them. I don't trust myself." I glanced at the orange bottle and covered my mouth with my hand. I cringed into Luke and just let him hold me. Brooke and my dad lingered in the door way for a while before they both left, Dad to his room and Brooke to mine. I liked that they were giving me space and I was mortified that my father just saw me naked. I hoped to God that all he'd seen was my back.

Luke carried me to my room and set me on the bed. I was close enough with Brooke that neither of us cared that I was naked in front of her. Luke got out the bandaging kit I'd gotten from the hospital and helped me bandage my surgical site, stab wound, and arm. He then slipped one of his tshirts on me, knowing that wearing his big shirts comforted me. The three of us slipped under my covers and tried to fall asleep. I felt almost bipolar with how my moods were changing lately, and I was was really scared.

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**i was watching Harry Potter while writing this, and it was also kinda rushed so... Yeah. **

**reviews very wanted and accepted. Posting will slow down during the week because I'm very busy. **


	6. People Always Leave Do I?

Chapter 6

**_Skip a day to the date of Larry's departure._**

Peyton POV

It was finally time for my dad to sail away. Lucas, Brooke, and I all stood on the dock as my father loaded his bags onto the boat. I was sad to see him go, much like every other time he'd left, but I didn't need him to be here all the time. I had my amazing friends and I could always talk to him on the phone. I was gonna let him live his life.

"Peyton, are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Dad asked for the millionth time as he came and gave me a reassuring hug.

"Daddy, seriously. I'll be fine, I don't need you to stay and baby me every day. Go have fun out on the ocean." I hugged my father once more before letting him go. "I'll be okay, Daddy."

"I love you, Peyton. See you in a month." Dad said reluctantly.

"Love you too, Dad. Be safe." I said. Once my dad was on the boat, Lucas, Brooke, and I all watched it as it disappeared over the horizon.

It was about noon and I was already exhausted. I felt like all I had the energy for was lying on the couch and watch movies. Brooke, Haley, Nathan, and Lucas were all coming over to do just that. Deb had Jamie for the day so that Haley and Nathan could be with me. We were having sort of a huge group sleepover at my house with movies and gossiping. Luke and Nathan were going to spend most of the time at the river court, then later would come over to spend time with us.

Once at my house, Brooke and I got changed into pajamas while Luke went to meet Nathan at the river court. Haley arrived shortly after Luke left and we gathered in the living room.  
We gossiped for hours about our boyfriends and everyone from high school, and what we were planning to do. I stated to cry when I realized I only had two weeks left with my Brooke. I could go with her, or I could go with Luke. I was terrified but I felt like I should take the internship because at least I'd be starting my career. Being away from Luke was gonna be tough, but I would make sure to call him every day. I could web chat him and maybe he could visit during a weekend or something. I made the decision right then to go with Brooke.

"Honey, stop crying. Remember, you can still come with me." She held me in her arms and Haley rubbed my back.

"You know, I think I will." I sniffled, straightening up and looking between Haley and Brooke. "I need to get everything together. I need to start my life. If I went with Luke, I don't know what I'd be doing, but at the internship, I'd be starting my life. I could call Luke every day and we could visit whenever either of us have time." I rambled.

"Peyton, you'll break his heart." Haley said sadly.

"He said I should go. And I love Luke more than anything." I sighed, I really didn't want to leave Luke and being away would be torture. "Maybe I could go and do the internship for a few months, see how I like it. I don't know." I sighed and leaned into Brooke once more. "I need some alcohol." I got up and walked into the kitchen. I climbed onto the counter and opened the very top cabinet which contained my fathers small assortment of alcohol. I chose some tequila and continued to the other cabinet to get a Kool-aid. Brooke and I made some frozen drinks with the blender, teaching Haley as we went.

"This is weird." Haley stated as she took a sip of her drink.

"Brooke and I have been making these babies since freshman year."

"Funny how you're proud of that."

"Hey!" Brooke shouted. "Let's have one of those really personal middle schooler like talks. I know the answer to this already, but Haley doesn't; Peyton, how old were you when you lost your virginity?"

"Brooke! Oh my God, you do realize WHO I lost it to right?" Haley wasn't gonna like this.

"Haley knows that part. It was so obvious anyway. Do tell."

"Fine." I sighed, turning to Haley. "I was 15, it was the summer after freshman year. It was Nathan." I quickly took a sip from my drink and averted my eyes from Haley.

"Huh, we have him in common, then." I was surprised that she didn't freak out. "What about you, Brooke?"

"15, mid freshman year at the cheer/basketball senior night after party to..." Brooke hesitated. "Tim Smith."

"WHAT!" Haley burst out laughing. "Oh wow. Tim Smith. Just wow."

"Haley! Stop laughing!" Brooke protested.

It was nice being with my friends tonight. I was really gonna miss Tree Hill and all the people in it. I knew Brooke was probably only going to be in LA for the summer, as her mother wanted to take Brooke to New York to start her career. If I didn't like the internship by then I'd probably ask to stay with Luke.  
The boys showed up around 10 o'clock, so Brooke put on the movie 'Valentines Day'. It was hilarious and definitely was a great distraction for me. I wasn't ready to tell Luke what I'd decided. Haley, Brooke, I were arguing the whole time about who was right and who was wrong in the movie, and what should happen. Even the boys joined at some point. When that movie was over, we watched 'Devil Wears Prada' which Brooke was totally in to.

"That guy is an ass," she began, "he should be more understanding! I'd give anything to work that high up in the fashion world!"

"You'd get along fine with Miranda Priestly, Brooke." I scoffed. Brooke and the editor, Miranda would claw each others eyes out.

"Hell, I'd BE Miranda Priestly!" We all laughed because she definitely would be.

"Maybe one day, B. Davis!" I laughed.

The night continued with some more drinks and a slightly intoxicated Haley. She hadn't built up as much tolerance as the rest of us so she was the most effected. We had fun messing with Haley and we built a childlike fort in my living room and told ghost stories like we were five years old.  
Haley was the first to fall asleep. Brooke was soon to follow, buried in about six pillows. I was getting sleepy as well. I leaned up and gave Luke a kiss goodnight and wished Nathan goodnight as well before curling up with my head in Luke's lap. I was soon overcome by the peaceful darkness. Maybe I wouldn't have torturous nightmares tonight.

Luke POV.

I stared down at the sleeping angel in my lap. Peyton truly was gorgeous when she slept, looking as if the world couldn't hurt her, at least until the nightmares came. Hopefully that wouldn't happen tonight.  
She was starting to recover from last week's attack. The gashes on her face were healing up and the bruises where turning yellow and fading. Her chest and ribs still bothered her, and probably would for a while. Her emotional state was better; last night she hadn't cried as much and she'd slept through the night. She'd talked in her sleep as usual but at least she didn't wake up screaming.

"How is she, bro?" Nathan asked, looking worriedly at Peyton.

"I dont know, Nate. She wakes up most of the time, last night was the first where she slept through the night."

"That's good. I worry about her, man. She's been through a lot , and a person can only take so much." Nathan sighed and reached over to brush her hair out of her face.

"Hey, man. She's mine now." I joked.

After an hour or so, I decided Peyton would be okay and went to sleep myself. Nathan had fallen asleep beside Haley after about 30 minutes. I hoped she'd make it through tonight.

Haley POV.

I was jolted awake by the sound of bloodcurdling screams. I grabbed onto Nathan who was also awake and sitting up. I figured out that the screams came from Peyton when I heard Luke and Brooke trying to calm her as she sobbed. I turned on a flashlight to see her in Luke's arms clutching at his shirt and sobbing into his chest. I'd never seen Peyton so emotionally vulnerable before and it scared me. I glanced up and Nathan and all he did was give me the same worried look I gave him.  
It's was maybe five minutes before Peyton was asleep again. Lucas was rocking her in his arms and humming to her. She was mumbling something in her sleep and occasionally an actual word could be mad out like "Lucas", "mommy", or "no". It was really heart breaking to see her like this; vulnerable and broken.  
Eventually I faded into the depths of sleep once more, my thoughts on my helpless friend.


	7. The OD

**Author note:**

*******_Warning of tough scene ahead_*******

**also, I don't know for certain if this is what would really happen, so I guess just go along and don't quote me on these side effects **

_**thank you**_

* * *

Chapter 7

Peyton POV.

I woke up feeling like absolute shit. I had a terrible headache, and everything hurt. I didn't remember much of last night after I'd gone to sleep. I know I'd woken up, and I was really disappointed in myself because of that. I couldn't shake the image of Ian's sneering face, like usual. I was now wide awake, still lying in Luke's arms. Brooke also had her arm over me and both her and Luke were still asleep. They were incredible friends, being here for me must have been hard on them lately.  
I sat up and slid out from between Luke and Brooke. My ribs were really hurting from sleeping on the living room floor, so I was going to go find my pain meds. I headed to the foyer where Luke had left his bag. I dug through it until I found two little orange bottles. One was for his HCM and the other belonged to me. I took a single pill from the bottle and stopped. I was in a lot of pain, maybe if I took two it would work faster? Maybe three would make me feel even better? Maybe they'd help me forget. Maybe I'd die. Maybe I'd escape this terrible world. I was surprised at how quickly those thoughts came to me.  
I bit my lower lip as I took out more from the bottle. I swallowed the pills dry before I could change my mind. I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water and downed it in almost one big gulp. I was starting to feel a very lightheaded and nauseous. I knew immediately that I'd made a huge stupid mistake.

"Lucas!" I called, fear clear in my voice. "Lucas, I need you! Right now!" I gripped at the counter, as the room was starting to spin. I pulled myself along the counter as I made my way shakily to the sink.

"Peyton! What's wrong?" Lucas, Brooke, Haley, and Nathan were all standing in the entrance to the kitchen. Great, I had an audience.

"I overdosed." Was all I could get out before I vomited into the sink. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I realized just how serious this could be. Everything went black.

Brooke POV.

"I overdosed." Those words caused my heart to drop into my stomach. My best friend was now clinging to the sink, seriously ill. Lucas rushed over to her as she fell to the floor. She started to convulse and her eyes rolled back in her head.

"Nathan, call 911 and take Brooke and Haley out. NOW." Nathan already had his cell phone out as he tried to lead Haley and I away.

"NO. I'm staying with her." I rushed over to Peyton and crouched beside her. "What do we do Luke!?"  
Lucas shook his head as he turned Peyton onto her side so that she wouldn't choke on the vomit. I could hear Nathan frantically speaking with the 911 operator while Haley cried.

"Peyton, Baby it's okay. Shh." Luke soothed, running a hand through her hair as her body stopped shaking. She wasn't waking up and I was terrified. Suddenly that fear of losing the one person who understood me was even more real than it was the day of the school shooting. Even when I found her in her closet a week ago, I somehow knew she'd be okay, but this time I wasn't sure. Luke felt for a pulse and immediately started CPR. I was bawling helplessly as I watched him work over her. Before I knew it we were surrounded by paramedics. I was screaming, reaching for my Peyton as a police officer pulled me out of the room. I could hear Luke yelling at her to stay alive, to fight. She couldn't. She couldn't fight this. She did this herself.

I was released when the paramedics came out of the kitchen with Peyton on a stretcher. Thank God they still had her breathing. That meant not all hope was lost for her. I knew in a lot of cases they wouldn't even try to bring them back.  
They were gone as soon as they appeared, only they took my Peyton and Lucas with them. I knew he wouldn't let them take her without him, and I wanted with all my heart to go with them. I broke out of the officers grip and was surprised to see Luke in the front yard watching the ambulance zoom down the street.

"They wouldn't let me go." Luke's voice broke as he fell to his knees. Nathan came to deal with Luke while Haley came and took me to Peyton's room to change into clothes. As soon as we all were ready we piled into my beetle and sped off to be with P. Sawyer.

Peyton POV.

I faded in and out of consciousness, I knew what I'd done and I was ashamed. I'd asked Luke to keep my meds just so that I wouldn't do exactly this. I had really fucked up this time. It was 1000 times worse than when I'd tried cocaine. The one sick thing that comforted me was that if I didn't make it, if I died today I wouldn't have to deal with anything ever again. No missing my dead mothers, no fights with my best friend, no more being shot, raped, tortured. I would be free of any burden, pain, or suffering. And with that thought I welcomed the blackness that I selfishly hoped was death.

Lucas POV.

The four of us sat around Peyton's hospital bed. We'd asked them not to call Larry or Karen. Peyton was going to be extremely upset and it knew that the more people here when she woke, the harder it would be. Nathan and Haley had to leave anyway, and after a while they went on their way to see their little son, leaving Brooke and I alone to wallow in our guilt.  
We didn't know why she'd done it, but we both felt guilty somehow. If I'd hidden the meds better, or woken when Peyton had, I could've prevented this. Ultimately it was Peyton's choice but I refused to believe she tried to kill herself. Maybe she was in a lot of pain, or maybe she thought Vicodin wasn't as dangerous as it really was and wanted to get some sort of high off of it. I was an absolute idiot for not seeing this coming. I was dumb to think that just keeping the pills in my bag could keep her away.  
I felt numb as I looked at the angel on the stiff hospital bed. Her beautiful, soft, magnificently curly hair was spread out on the pillow like a halo around her head. Her eyes were closed, but I could see the pain behind them. I could see it on her face that she was troubled.  
Suddenly her eyes opened. It was as if she was an infant who had just been disturbed; she burst into tears before she even looked to see who was here. I'd had enough. I didn't know where from but a foreign anger was bubbling up inside me. My mood snapped. I'd never been so angry at her before, and I wasn't sure why I was so angry, but I was terrified.

"Peyton, shut the fuck up and tell me why the hell you thought that was a good idea." I surprised myself at the venom in my words. She was taken aback, looking at me like I'd grown two heads. Brooke jumped up and stood between me and the cowering Peyton.

"Lucas. Don't." Brooke growled. "Don't you dare treat her this way."

"You know," Peyton began, her voice weak, "I didn't originally intend for it to be a suicide attempt. I just wanted the pain to stop. But when I was unconscious I realized that if I died, I would have to worry about anything anymore. I could be free. And you know Luke? I was trying to convince myself that maybe dying wasn't the way out. But seeing how the first thing you said to me was 'shut the fuck up' maybe dying is all I can do anyway. Everyone hates me anyway, I'm nothing but a burden. You wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. If I wasn't here, there would be no more pain, or trouble or heartbreak for you all. I'm a pain to everyone right now."

"Peyton, I-"

"Get the fuck out, Lucas." I did as I was told and sadly exited the room. There was no excuse for my words to Peyton. She'd been through so much. She must have the worst luck ever. I could hear the sobs and wails from her room and felt awful for how I'd treated her, especially because of the circumstances. I'd been horrible to her. At least Brooke was there for her. Brooke was a good friend, better than I'd ever be.

Eventually, Brooke stuck her head out the door and beckoned for me to come back in. Peyton was sitting up on the bed, her eyes red and puffy.

"Peyton, Baby I'm so sorry." I said as I strode toward her, wrapping my arms around her thin frame. She cried into me and told me she was sorry for being so careless, begging for me to believe she didn't mean for it to be that bad.

Peyton POV.

It was around 8pm and I'd been home from the hospital for about an hour. I hated that place so much, and spending the entire day there was extremely unpleasant. I hated myself for putting that stress on my friends. I was an idiot for even thinking that was a good idea. I was lying on my bed clutching an old sketchbook that was full of drawings from my younger years. My mother used to watch me draw Disney characters and would help me with the colors and certain lines. My mom was great at drawing disney characters, and I used to have her teach how to color, or shape a feature correctly. I found one of my drawings from when I was seven that I'd spent hours on; it was a scene from The Lion King where Simba is on Mufasa's back as they gazed up at the stars. I'd got creative and used splatters of whiteout for stars. When I'd gone to show it to my mother she'd been so proud.

_*FLASHBACK*_

_"Momma, Momma!" I shouted as I scampered into the kitchen. My sketchbook was hidden behind my back. "Mommy, lookit! Guess what I drew!"_

_"I dont know, Baby Peyt. Let me see." My mother knelt down beside me and wrapped an arm around my waist as I pulled my sketchbook out for her to see._

_"See? That's Mufasa, and that's Simba. You know, it's right after Mufasa saved him and Nala from the hyenas!" I pressed when my mom didn't respond. "Don't you like it Mommy?"_

_"Oh, Honey. I love it!" She said with tears in her eyes. "It's beautiful, you're so talented, baby girl. I'm so proud of you." She placed the sketchbook up on the table and enveloped me into a hug._

_*END FLASHBACK*_

I liked thinking of how I was back then. I used to wear dresses and skirts, I loved the color pink, and almost always had a bow in my hair. But when my mom died, I became withdrawn. I would stopped wearing dresses and bows and wore more tshirts and jeans. I stayed in my room and listened music. It's almost like after Anna Rebecca Sawyer died I started becoming more like Ellie without even knowing it. I didn't even draw anything remotely close to Disney anymore. Everything I drew now was my own. My last disney drawing was that of Simba lying with his dead father. I'd placed it in The casket with her at her funeral as a final farewell. There was a photo copy of the drawing tucked in the back cover of the sketchbook.  
I sighed as I slipped the old sketchbook back into the bottom drawer, pulling out my current sketchbook in the process. I opened to the next fresh page and began to draw. At first I wasn't sure where it was going; I drew myself with tears running down my face. I then drew Mom's face, then Ellie's, then Derek's, and Brooke's, and Lucas's, and Dad's, and finally, Ian's. My crying face surrounded by their blank expressions. I closed my sketchbook when I was finished. A tear dripped onto the faux leather cover and I swiped it away angrily. I shoved the sketchbook to the edge of the bed and rolled over to the middle.

"Peyton," I jumped, startled by Luke's voice from the doorway, "do you need anything? I was gonna head home and be with my mom and Lilly. They leave tomorrow, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember. If they aren't planning on coming over to say goodbye, tell them I love them and I'll miss them." I turned away from Luke to hide my tears.

"I will," he approached the bed and sat on it, fidgeting uncomfortably, "and Brooke's staying with you tonight..." He trailed off, as if he was afraid to say more. "I love you, Peyton. I'm so sorry for how I treated you when you woke up. If you need me I'll only be a call away, I promise."  
I turned to Luke and sat up. I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered in his ear: "I'll always love you, Lucas Scott. I forgive you." Lucas kissed me on the forehead as he pulled away and tucked me back into bed. He wiped my tears away and kissed the tip of my nose before leaving my room, shutting off the lights as he went.

Brooke eventually came to bed, crawling under the covers with me. I could tell this was going to be a bad night.

_*FLASHBACK*_

_I felt the cold blade of the knife as he pressed it into my flesh. Cut after cut, scream, after pathetic, useless scream, he tortured me._

_"If you can't let me love you, you _deserve_ to suffer." Ian chanted. "You tried to forgive me? You'll regret that. Not even _God_ can forgive me." He snarled as he sliced at my leg._

_"That's where you're wrong." I begged. "Ian, just stop this right now. Fix your life and ask for forgiveness and maybe he'll give it to you. But you won't get it unless you stop-"_

_"Shut up, bitch. _I. Don't. Want. It."

_*END FLASHBACK*_

And that was the first of a total of four times I'd wake up that night.

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**_Reviews would be nice, I don't want to continue if no one likes it. _**


	8. Day at the Beach

_**warning:**__**P/L lemon in this chapter **_

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Chapter 8

Peyton POV

I woke up with my arms around Brooke and hers around me. We were sitting up in the bed, slumped against the headboard. My ribs hurt a shit ton, and my head was pounding. Brooke woke up soon after but neither of us moved for a while. Only after about ten minutes did she slowly sink down beneath the covers, lightly tugging on my arm for me to do the same.  
Neither of us moved when we heard two people enter the house. We knew it was Luke, Karen, and Lilly. I smiled when I heard Luke sush his mother and tell her that we were probably still asleep. Brooke smiled at me, and we both closed our eyes and pretended to sleep. Luke tiptoed up the steps and down the hall to my room with Karen and Lilly.

"Aw look at them," Karen cooed, "they're so cute. Maybe we shouldn't disturb them."

"I'll wake them." Luke said edging towards the bed. I felt him lean over Brooke and I. Brooke tapped my leg with her index finger three times as if counting down. On the third tap, we both snapped our eyes open and jumped at Luke, shouting "BOO". The look on his face was priceless. He leaped off the bed and staggered for a moment. He threw his hand over his heart and gave us a frightened expression.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" Brooke asked worried. We both started to get up.

"SIKE!" Luke shouted as he broke his act and rushed back over to us. "How's my third and fourth favorite girls?"

"Hey!" Brooke and I said, feigning offense at his comment.

"Sorry, my mom and sister are in the room!" Lucas laughed as he hugged us. "Come on, Mom. Time to say goodbye to your favorites."

"Favorites?" I asked, curious as to how we could possibly be Karens favorites of anything.

"Yeah," Karen sighed as she walked to the bedside, "you two are my favorite of Luke's friends."

"No way! You can't possibly like us better than Haley?" Brooke exclaimed.

"Well, I really do love Haley, she's like a daughter to me, and so are you two," Karen began, "and I don't necessarily like you any more than her, but Haley is unforgiving sometimes, and has been making rash and unfair decisions a lot lately. You two girls have the biggest hearts I know. Both of you have been through a lot and it's matured you two to a level that I don't think Haley's quite reached yet." Karen smiled and handed Lilly off to Luke before wrapping her arms around us. "I'm going to miss you two more than you know. I love you girls."

"Love you too, Karen." Brooke said. "Thank you for all you've done for me. You're like a mom to us."

"Same," I chimed in, "you've helped me so much too. Thank you so much for being there for me last week. I love you too, Karen." We all broke apart and Karen moved toward the door. "Bye, Lilly!" I cooed as I waved at the little pink bundle in Luke's arms.

"Oh, bye bye, little lady." Brooke chimed, waving as I had.

"Bye, girls." Karen said with a sad smile.

"Okay, Call me if you need me, girls. I might be back in a little while." Luke said, glancing at his watch. "I'll be seeing you." He said smirking at me. I giggled as Brooke and I waved them goodbye. Soon they were off to the marina to send Karen and Lilly to sea. Brooke and I headed to the kitchen to start breakfast. Brooke prepared the pancakes while I gathered the butter and syrup.

"Are you coming to the official end senior party?" Brooke asked, surprising me. I'd almost forgot about it. It was in just over a week.

"Uh, I guess. As long as you and Luke, or either of Naley is with me." I sighed. "Maybe I could be okay with Mouth or Skills too."

"That's the spirit, P! You're going and you're going to have fun and get drunk and act like a normal teen." Brooke looked ecstatic. "Our last high school party, sheesh, P. Sawyer, we're OLD!" She smiled at me and giggled.

"It seems like it was only yesterday we met for the first time in the cafeteria at the elementary." I sighed, getting nostalgic.

"Yeah at the open house and we danced around our mothers while they set up our first play date."

"I miss that."

"What about it?"

"Being young. That time where you thought nobody was bad and you didn't know about the war, crime, and violence in the world." I hesitated, unsure. "When my mom was alive and I believed she was my real mom and I was like everyone else. When you and I were just getting to know each other. Don't get me wrong, Brooke, I love you, but we were so innocent, and we were only super super close after Mom died. You were there for me every step, and even though you weren't exactly there when Ellie died, I have you now and I can't thank you enough, B. Davis. I really couldn't ask for or even imagine a better friend than you." I got up and wrapped my arms around her shoulders from behind her barstool. I rested my chin on her shoulder and closed my eyes. She lifted her hands to clutch my arms.

"Aw, P. I love you too. Honey, I was so cruel to you back when Ellie was around. I should've been there. I and I'm infinitely sorry for how immature I was and how I treated you. I always knew Luke was yours, deep down. You wanted so much to stay friends and I pushed you away cause of your honesty. I'm so sorry, P. Sawyer."

"All that matters is you're here now and we have a much stronger relationship now." Brooke smiled at my words and patted my arm as she stood to finish the pancakes.

After breakfast, Brooke suggested that we go to the beach for the day. Brooke dragged me up to my closet where we searched for some swim suits. Brook stole my favorite red bikini for her self and picked a black and white polkadot one for me. As we were changing I looked down as I tied on my top.

"I don't know, Brooke. I still have these stitches, they don't come out for another week. I look terrible." I sighed as I ran a fingers along the two sets of stitches on my side.

"You look fine, P. If you want you could wear a tshirt or something, but I don't want you to get a farmers tan." Brooke bent to examine the stitches. "They look like they're healing up real good!" Brooke smiled and pulled me into a hug before putting on some shorts and a tank top. I did the same, leaving the scars on my arm visible.  
We called Nathan and asked if we could use the private beach in front of his fathers beach house and asked if they wanted to come. After they said they would and offered to bring food, we called Mouth, Skills, and Luke to see if all them wanted to join us, all of them said yes. I had a knot in my stomach at the thought of all these people being around while my scars were out in the open. I had actually come up with the idea to hangout with all our friends and have a beach day and I needed to be okay with people seeing my scars out in the open What better than to start when they were fresh. The bruises were faded enough that they weren't going to be noticeable, so thank God I didn't have to worry about those.  
I was excited to see Mouth and Skills. It would be the first time since graduation. Skills and I were good friends and I was confident that he'd be chill about the whole thing, maybe make a joke or two. He'd make feel more relaxed about it.

We took the Comet and arrived around the same time as everyone else. Nathan retrieved a big beach blanket and umbrella set from the house, while the rest of us went to pick a good spot on the beach. Haley brought a picnic basket. After Nathan set up the area we all stripped off our clothes down to our bathing suits and headed towards the water. Luke and Brooke gave me concerned looks when they noticed that I kept my arms loosely crossed in front of my scars.

"Hey skinny girl," Skills began, "how ya been. You haven't hit me up since graduation, you didn't forget about Skills Taylor did ya?"

"No way, I couldn't forget about you, Skills! I'm okay, how've you been?" I responded, playfully hitting him on the arm. He didn't miss the exposed scars.

"Nice battle scars, curly, you a survivor!" He joked, putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Yeah. I guess I am, Skills." I said with a slight smile. To break the tension in the group, I yelled: "last one to the water is a rotten egg!" And took off running.  
We all sprinted to the sea; Brooke tripped and fell in the sand, and Haley made it to the water before face planting into it. Luke and I made it first as a tie. Lucas grabbed me from behind and swung me around happily in the water. I laughed as I turned and tackled him, forcing him completely underwater. He tossed me into the air and I splashed back in the water a good five feet away, giggling as I slipped beneath the surface.  
I kicked at the sandy ocean floor as my head resurfaced and jumped at Brooke who'd finally made it to the water. I dragged my best friend beneath the water as she turned to tackle me. We resurfaced laughing harder than I had in a very long time.  
I noticed Haley and Nathan about 10 feet away kissing each other passionately and felt a pang of jealousy; Luke and I were almost never able to do PDA. I swam over to Lucas and jumped onto his back nibbling playfully at his shoulder. He swung me around to face him, and kissed me carefully on the lips as if he was afraid to hurt me. I crushed my lips to his and kissed him as passionately as I could muster. He needed to understand that I was not afraid of him and that he could kiss me without me freaking out.  
I could feel his smile against me as he continued the kiss, deepening it. I granted his tongue entrance into my mouth and smiled as our tongues entwined sloppily. I moaned as he caught my lower lip in his teeth: my weakness. I clutched at his shoulders and dragged my nails down his body till I reached his swim trunks. I slipped my fingers into the waistband, my heart beating wildly as his hands traveled to my breasts.

"Get a room!" Brooke shouted as she splashed us furiously. Luke and I broke apart, startled and embarrassed. We both turned red as a tomato when I glanced at Luke and noticed him readjusting his position so that the bulge in his trunks was concealed in the water. I giggled uncomfortably as Brooke's eyes widened. "You two were gonna do it right here!? Oh my God! P, you're not even allowed!"

"Brooke, shut up!" I whined. I didn't want our whole group knowing I couldn't have sex.

"Hey," Haley interrupted our little tiff, "we're going to go get some beer and stuff." She and Nathan got out of the water and ran toward the beach house.

"Well they're definitely going for a quickie." Brooke laughed.

"Haley isn't supposed to either cause of having Jamie, so why can't I?" I whined miserably.

"Well, for one; everyone can see you and hear you, and two, it's different. You were cut, not stretched." Brooke explained. I turned even brighter red than I had a minute ago.

"Shit, Brooke. I didn't want Mouth and Skills knowing that." I snapped.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, P!" She looked genuinely sorry, so I accepted it.

"Hey," Skills began, "it's cool, skinny girl. Mouth and I can handle it. We your friends too, dawg."

"Hey let's go play 'Over Under' out in the waves!" Mouth suggested to diffuse the tension.

"What's that?" Luke asked.

"You go out to just before the waves break, like where they won't have broken once they get to you, and you judge whether to go over it or under it. If you try to go over a wave that's too large, you get pummeled by it and lose the game." Mouth explained as he began to swim out. We all followed him and started the game that ended up lasting around 20 minutes. Luke held my hand all during the game, and we all laughed as he got caught in a wave and I didn't try to save him.

"Sorry Luke!" I laughed hysterically as he resurfaced 10 feet away, spitting out sand and saltwater.  
Having turned to look at him I didn't see the huge wave that came and swallowed me whole. I was slammed onto the sea floor as it rolled overtop of me and pummeled me into the sand. Finally it was over and the water retreated leaving me coughing and spluttering on the sand in the shallow water. It had really hurt my ribs and chest. I spat out some sand and whined childishly as Luke splashed over to help me. I noticed Brooke had been washed up as well. Before I could stand, another wave overcame me and pushed me down into the sand again. Luke slipped his arms around me and pulled me from the water and helped me to my feet.

"P, you're bleeding, Baby!" Luke exclaimed. I glanced down at my stitches but luckily found nothing. I looked up at him curiously. "No, not there, your knee!" I looked down toward my knee to see the gash where crimson blood was starting to beed on the surface.

"Oh." Was all I said. Luke helped me to shore while Mouth and Skills walked with Brooke.

"Jeez, Peyton. Stop getting hurt." Brooke said only half joking. Lucas dabbed my fresh wound with his towel as the blood started to freely escape the gash. Brooke sent a text to Haley for her to bring some waterproof bandaids.  
A few minutes later the flustered looking couple joined us once more, parking a large blue cooler with a small stack of red solo cups under the umbrella. Haley handed the bandages to Brooke as she assessed my injury.

"Peyton, when the hell do you plan to stop getting hurt!?" She laughed sitting on the blanket beside Luke. Brooke placed a large square bandaid on my knee and smoothed it down gently. I just laughed at her as I stood to go get a drink. "What happened anyway?" Haley asked.

"We were playing 'Over Under' when Luke got pummeled by a wave. Brooke and I were laughing at him and got distracted and pummeled as well." I sighed. I found vodka and frozen Kool-aid juice bags in the cooler along with beer.

"Haley told me about you and Brooke's choice drink." Nathan said. "We didn't have tequila so you'll have to settle for that."

"I can make it work." I said with a smirk. "Who wants one?"

We drank and had lunch, and drank some more. We were all hammered by the time the cooler was completely empty. We drunkenly cleaned up our mess and stumbled as a group up to the beach house. We left everything under the deck and took turns in the out door shower. We all headed inside and Nathan said we could all crash there. Mouth and Skills each took a couch while Haley and Nathan headed to Nathan's room. Brooke taking the master.  
Luke and I drunkenly made out as we tumbled to the bedroom that had been his during the short time he'd stayed with Dan. He kicked the door shut before I pulled him to the bed and kissed him as hard as I could. I shoved my tongue into his mouth and put as much effort into making it a turn on as my tipsy mind could handle.

"Be nice. Rape victim, remember." I reminded him as he roughly shoved his hands under my bikini top, which seemed to sober him a bit. He more gently handled me as he kissed down to my chest. He then untied the back of my top and pushed it over my head, exposing me. I smiled seductively as I used my toes to skillfully push his trunks down. He finished the jobs and kicked them off.

"Are you sure, P?" He asked as he shoved his hands into my bottoms and groped my butt.

"Yes, but please be gentile. I'm still on the pill so go ahead." I gave permission for him to yank down my bottoms. He kissed down to my belly button and I let out a loud moan. "Luke please! Do it now!" I begged. He pressed his lips to mine before slipping into me as carefully as he could. The doctor was right; it was like losing my virginity again. I squeaked in pain and Luke asked if he should stop, but I begged him to continue. "Lucas Eugene Scott, you'd better love me like I'm the only girl in the world right now!" I yelled, arching my back and gabbing fistfuls of his short blonde hair.

Afterwards, I was so blissed out by the end I could barely speak. I rolled over and hugged Luke tightly, and in my haze of ecstasy (not the party drug) and alcohol, said: "I love you Lucas. Come to LA with me." And with that I was asleep.

Lucas POV.

"I love you Lucas. Come to LA with me." I heard my little blissed out angel slur before closing her eyes and falling asleep. I lay there in shock as I considered that possibility. I could do it. Go for the rest of the summer only to return for basketball season. It was a great plan. With my amazing mood impossibly better, I slept soundly with my angel beside me.

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	9. Hangover

Chapter 9

Peyton POV.

I awoke with with a smile on my face still completely blissed out from my night with Luke. I'd just had one of the best nights I'd had in a very long time. I'd slept through the night with not a single trace of nightmares, nothing but blissful dreams about my boyfriend. I stretched my arms above my head and yawned. I could feel my broken ribs moving uncomfortably and I was a little hungover, but something else was off. I could feel something wet and sticky between my legs and my heart dropped into my stomach. I knew exactly what it was.  
I should have listened to the doctor's and Brooke's advice. I bolted to a sitting position and surveyed the bloody carnage that was my lady business. I felt like throwing up when I noticed the large dark red stain on the bed sheets. I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, doing my best not to drip on the carpet at all. I jumped into the shower and tried to clean myself up.

All bliss left from last night was momentarily forgotten as I started to panic about the sheets. What was I going to do, just wake Luke up and say 'hey Luke, I bled all over your white sheets and it's probably not coming out'?  
I sat in the shower and let the water cascade over me as I tried to come up with a solution.

Eventually I got out of the shower and dressed myself in a pair of Luke's abandoned shorts and a big tshirt. I decided there was nothing I could do until Luke was awake, so I headed down to get some water from the fridge.

Lucas POV

I opened my eyes and a smile came to my lips as I thought of my beautiful Peyton gracing them with her own. She was incredible last night, not to mention she'd slept through the night, and I could not be happier. When I rolled over to say good morning to her, she was no where in sight. I hurriedly got up, pulled on a pair of shorts, and left the room hoping to hear her in the bathroom. When I found the bathroom light off with no one inside I started to get worried. I ran down the stairs to the kitchen, passing the still asleep Mouth and Skills on my way. My worry was only gone for a second when I found the gorgeous blonde sitting at the kitchen island, her hair in a high messy bun with a water bottle in one hand and her head resting in the other.

"Hey, beautiful!" I called to her. She threw me off guard when she looked up with tears in her eyes. "Baby, what's wrong?" I asked as I rushed to her side.

"Oh god, Luke. I'm so sorry, I didn't think that would actually happen!" She looked petrified, like a puppy expecting to be kicked.

"What do you mean, Peyton?"

"Did you not see your sheets!?" She looked panicked now. Her eyes big as saucers, tears starting to flow faster.

"No, what's wrong with them?"

"I bled really bad, I'm sorry." She sobbed.

"Are you okay? Did it stop?" I placed my hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes, searching to see if she was in pain.

"I'm fine, but your sheets aren't." She sighed. She moved away and hung her head in her hands.

"What's going on here?" I looked toward the kitchen entrance to see Brooke standing with her hands on her hips. "Did you make my best friend cry, Lucas Scott?" She asked angrily.

"No," Peyton whined not looking up, "I made myself cry."

"Oh, Honey," Brooke said walking over to put her arms around the skinny blonde. "Tell B. Davis what happened." Peyton leaned up and whispered in Brooke's ear. "Now what did I tell you? I told you you should have waited. Luke don't even think it's not just as equally your fault." Brooke warned turning to glare at me.

"Brooke. Be nice please." Peyton sighed placing her hand on the feisty girls shoulder.

"Look," I began, "Peyton, don't worry about it. I'll clean it up okay? I have a mattress protector so it should be just fine."

"You're not mad?" Peyton was breaking my heart with her devastated expression. I could tell she was more than embarrassed; her cheeks were red as tomatoes and she looked as though she wanted to crawl under a rock. Brooke was right; this was equally my fault.

"I'm not mad at all, Baby. Its my fault too. You were amazing last night, Peyton, I could never be mad after that." Peyton gave me a smile and giggled a little at my words. "It's true, Peyt."

"Ew TMI. I don't want to hear about my best friend's sex life from anyone but her." Brooke said pulling a face. I laughed and headed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to see what damage Peyton and I had caused last night.

When I got back to my room I cautiously lifted the covers where Peyton had been sleeping and gasped when I saw the large blood stain. It was a lot more than I had expected and I instantly felt bad for causing my girl the pain that must've come with this. The stain was probably three times larger than my hand, which really worried me about Peyton's health. The bleeding should've stopped before getting this bad.  
I removed the sheet and took it to the laundry room where I put it in the industrial sink and ran hot water over it. I watched horrified as the water from it ran completely red. I squeezed out the sheet periodically to speed the process and winced when I saw my hand had a slight red tint. After I did all I could and washed my hands, I left it to soak in the sink and went to take care of the mattress protector which had an equally large stain. It, however was meant to handle this stuff and the blood came right out. I sprayed the sheet with stain remover and put it in the wash with the mattress protector before heading back to the kitchen. Everyone was now gathered, moaning and groaning from their hangovers.

"Were gonna head home, guys." Mouth began. "Thanks for inviting us." Everyone said good bye as he and Skills headed out the door.

I strode over to Peyton as she held her hands tightly over her eyes. I could tell she wasn't feeling well, and apparently so did Brooke because she grabbed a bowl and held it for her best friend to vomit into. I rubbed her back as she did so, and shared a pained glance with Brooke who was also looking rather ill. Before Peyton could finish, Brooke handed me the bowl and ran to the sink, vomiting as well. Haley and Nathan stood helplessly by the island, not moving to help.

When Peyton was done, she turned and buried her face against my bare shoulder. I lifted her off the barstool and carried her as if she was a child to the living room where I set her on one of the couches. I tucked her in with the afghan from the back and kissed her forehead before going to retrieve a wet paper towel to wipe her mouth.

"I love you, Luke." Peyton sighed, her voice shaking. "You take care of me in sickness and health and we're not even married." I smiled at her words. I wished I was married to my gorgeous girlfriend. She was already my everything. It was always going to be there, her and I, and I didn't think I'd ever leave Peyton Sawyer. "I was serious when I told you to come with me to LA."

"We'd have to ask Brooke and her parents but I would definitely come at least for the summer."

"I don't wanna leave you." Peyton said, getting choked up again. Before the rape Peyton hadn't been this sensitive at all. Ian had changed my Peyton and I would never forgive that of him, though I still loved everything about her. Maybe she was changed for the better since she now showed people how she felt a little more, where as before she'd bottle it up inside for no one but maybe Brooke to see. "I need you, Lucas." She admitted, not giving eye contact.

"Peyton, need you as much as you need me. I'd do anything for you." I smiled and gave her a closed mouthed kiss. "I'll go get your water bottle, princess." She giggled slightly at the new pet name.

Nathan and Haley eventually left, Brooke soon after when I told her I'd take Peyton home after I was done cleaning the sheets. Brooke went and said goodbye to Peyton. She kissed her cheek bidding her to feel better and Peyton the same to her before Brooke left. I loved how close they were, it was really touching and it made me happy that Peyton had someone to confide in other than me.

After taking care of the sheets and cleaning up the group's mess under the deck, Peyton and I locked up the beach house, shutting off the water and electricity and left. I took her straight home where she plopped onto the couch and begged me to join her.

"Come on Luke. Stay and we can wallow in our hangover misery together. She said, only half joking. I took her up on her offer and we ended up watching scary movies all day, the first being 'Sweeny Todd'. I was embarrassed that I was flinching under the covers while Peyton stared intently at the screen, fearlessly paying attention to everything.  
We shared another good day together. Maybe things were starting to look up again for my angel.

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**I like writing this story a lot, but I haven't gotten any reviews on the recent chapters and it's a little discouraging. Even if you just say if you like it or not would be enough to satisfy me review wise. Each one is important. You can review as a guest, I don't mind at all. ALL REVIEWS ARE GREATLY ACCEPTED!**

**Thank you.**


	10. Things are Changing

Chapter 10

It was three weeks since graduation and two weeks since Ian had attacked me.

I now knew that I probably would not have been able to have sex with Luke a few days ago, had I not been drunk as a skunk. We'd been hanging out together at my house yesterday when things started to get hot; Lucas had shoved his hand up my shirt and I had reacted in the worst way possible. As his fingers pulled at my bra, my mind had been pulled back to that night on my closet floor when Ian had yanked off my towel. It was as if I was sitting there on the floor again helpless to my evil stalker.

####

_"Peyton, you are so fucking stubborn." He advanced towards me. I threw a right hook and missed. He laughed. He grasped my throat once more and forced me to my knees._  
_"You're gonna regret ever fighting us. It was always meant to be, Peyton. When you teased me on that webcam of yours I knew. I knew you were gonna be mine. You. Are. MINE." He kneed me in the chest and knocked the wind out of me. He let go of my throat and shoved the knife into my abdomen. I fell to the floor. I tried desperately to get up but he kicked me in the head. Stars and black spots blurred my vision. He yanked my towel off and laughed; "You're making this too easy. Way too easy."_

####

With my mind stuck in the past I'd accidentally punched Luke in the nose. It hadn't been enough to break it, but it caused him to have a pretty bad nose bleed. I had apologized profusely as I ran to get him a paper towel to clean up his face, and as he held his head back and I'd done the best I could to help stop the bleeding.

"Now our roles are reversed," he'd joked with a smile, "now you're helping me out."

"Too bad I caused it." I sighed, disappointed in myself and embarrassed.

Now we all had to go to the 'last hurrah for all the seniors' party. I was in my bathroom curling my hair when Lucas decided to join me. He sat on the toilet lid as he watched me twist the curling iron to create what he called my 'perfect Peyton curls'. I sighed, put the curling iron down and unplugged it before getting out my make up. I winced as I applied some make up to the healing scars above my eyebrow and on my cheek. They were healing well, but still looked lumpy and gross under the makeup.  
I was really nervous about the party. There was going to be so many people and I probably wasn't going to be with Brooke or Luke the whole entire time. What if I had a panic attack in front of my entire class? As I stared into my own eyes in the mirror, so full of pain and fear, I felt nauseous about facing so many people. I saw Luke approach me in the mirror and glanced down nervously at the sink as he wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on top of my head.

"You nervous, Peyt?" He asked smiling reassuringly at me.

"Kinda..." I trailed off feeling myself getting choked up. I turned to face him and buried my face in his shoulder. "I shouldn't be I just am. Lucas, I dont know if I can be around so many people!"

"But you went to the mall a while back, is this different?" Luke reminded me as he soothingly rubbed my back.

"I didn't know all those people and it was so soon after, I guess before the major anxiety really started." I sighed. "I don't know, Luke. I'm scared."

"I'll be with you as long as you need me. Would that make you feel better?"

"No because I want you to have fun with your friends like Mouth and Skills and Nathan." I rambled. "I don't want you to spend the whole party with the cheerleaders, or just moping around with me. But could you at least stay with me for maybe the first 10 minutes? I'm really nervous. Everyone knows what happened now. I mean everyone!" I felt like crying but I was trying so hard to be myself again. I wanted to be the Peyton that didn't cry at every off detail again.

"I'll stay until you tell me I can go, okay?" Lucas kissed my forehead and took my hand. "Ready to go? We taking Comet?"

I took a shaky breath. "Yeah, but who's gonna drive it home?" I asked as we headed down the stairs.

"I won't drink too much, Baby. But I do have to talk to Nate about Dan." Luke visibly cringed when he said Dan's name. I felt bad that Luke hadn't been able to deal with this properly because he'd been preoccupied taking care of me.

"Aw, Babe. I'm so sorry I haven't been there to help you with this. It's gotta be so hard." I sighed as I squeezed his hand.

"You help distract me. Being with you keeps my mind off the whole Keith and Dan situation. You do help, even if you don't realize it. You make me so happy, Peyton." He smiled as he picked me up, spun me around, and pulled me into a hug, kissing me romantically on the lips. "I love you, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer."

"Aww, Luke. I love you so much, you're always there for me." I smiled as he put me down and we continued to the car, my mind taken off the party for now.

As we pulled into the party, my stomach dropped. Literally everyone from my senior class was there. I suddenly felt like I was gonna throw up and I grabbed Luke's hand, too petrified to leave the car. He was able to coax me out after a minute before leading me up to the entrance. I smiled slightly when I saw Brooke with Chase. My smile grew when I saw Rachel and Brooke's reunion.

Luke lead me over to a cooler to get some beer before asking me where I wanted to go. I scanned the surrounding area and told Luke that I'd go find Skills in the spray paint room and add some art there. He gave me a cautious look as I kissed him on the cheek and told him to go talk to Nate.

"I'll be okay, Luke. Go talk to your brother." I sighed, seeing his skeptical look. "Ya know? It's a hell of a lot harder when I can tell that you're doubting me, Lucas." I snapped, annoyed. I hated when people doubted me. I could do whatever the hell I set my mind to, and I was surprised people hadn't figured that out yet. I was just a little damaged, was all.

"Sorry, Peyton." He sighed taking my hand once more. "I'm just worried is all. Could I at least walk you to the room?" I nodded and he took my hand and lead me to Skills.

I had a good time in the paint room giving Skills tips on centering the basketball in the lettering. I even added a small piece of my own. It was nice getting my mind off things and letting some alcohol fog my brain a little.

Eventually I made it outside to dance to "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls with Brooke, Haley, Rachel, Bevin and Shelley. We all got really into it and sang along as we danced. It was so much fun to let loose with my friends and feel like a normal recent high school graduate again.

Lucas POV

It was weighing heavy on my mind that Nathan and I really needed to discuss our father the murderer. I tried not to worry about Peyton too much and smiled when I saw her and the other girls dancing to an old Spice Girls song. She looked like she was genuinely having fun. I refocused my mind back to Nathan when the song ended.

"We gotta go see him." I sighed, glancing at my younger brother.

"Yeah I know," he began, "but what do you say to your father, the murderer?" I winced at his words; the image Keith had shown me during my heart attack of him and Jimmy Edwards dead on the floor flashing through my mind.

Nathan and I agreed that we'd go tonight and to have a few drinks before leaving. I guessed Brooke could take care of Peyton untill I got back. After a while, Nathan walked up to me once more and gave a skeptical smirk.

"Well, let's go. Let's go see Dan."

"I don't think I want to." I said slowly, thinking through my next words carefully. I explained to Nathan why I didn't want to see him. Dan didn't deserve to be in our lives anymore. Nathan eventually agreed and we went our separate ways for the moment.

I found Peyton cowering in the corner of the porch and rushed over to her to console her. I could tell she was petrified to have been left alone in this strange place with so many people she wasn't close with around her. I walked up beside her and placed my hand on her shoulder. She must not have seen or heard me, because she jumped as though she'd been shocked by a stun gun and let out a terrified squeak before her eyes focused on me.

"Don't do that Luke!" She cried, tears welling in her eyes.

"Hey hey hey. It's okay. I'm sorry." I took her shaking form into my arms and rubbed her back gently. "Hey, what's wrong Peyton, why are you soaking so bad?" She sniffled and pulled away to look at me, wiping carefully at her eyes.

"I dont know, Luke. I feel like I shouldn't be here, you know?" She whimpered. "I don't feel like anything bad will happen, but, I just feel like I don't have the right to be here trying to have fun while I should be... oh I don't even know! I feel like everyone's afraid of me now! Like I'm gonna break down any second and they don't want to be around me! Everyone hates me!" She was flustered and looked like she was going to cry again.

"It's alright, P. Try to calm down, take deep breaths." I soothed, placing my hands on her shoulders and looking into her eyes. "You belong here as much as any of the rest of us. It doesn't matter what other people think, and you need to stop being so hard on yourself. No one hates you, Peyton. Hey look at me!" I gently took her chin In my hand turned her face so she would look into my eyes again. "I love you, Peyton. I love you more than anything else in the world and you know that. It shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks about you. All that matters is that I love you, Brooke loves you, Haley, Nathan, Skills, all our friends adore you, Peyton Sawyer."

"How do you know?" She asked just barely above a whisper.

"Because even when you were fighting Brooke asked about how you were doing, Haley told me that she asked almost every day. And prom night, who risked her life to save yours? Brooke." Peyton shuddered at the unpleasant memory and I instantly felt bad for bringing that up. "Sorry. And Skills thinks you're hilarious. He loves your personality, you know how he is." She nodded and a small smile came to her pretty face. "Most importantly, Peyton, I love you. More than life itself." Peyton started to giggle as she wrapped her arms around me ant looked up to gaze at me.

"How did I get so lucky, Lucas Scott? You make me so happy when you give those speeches of yours. That made me feel a million times better."  
I kissed the tip of her nose, making her giggle more.

"Okay," I chucked, "let's go see I'd Naley are still here." I wrapped my arm around her waist as aw walked out into the fray of partiers.

Somehow, all of us ended up on the river court around 1 am. It was Nathan, Haley, Brooke, Chase, Mouth, Skills, Junk, Fergie, Rachel, Bevin, Peyton, and I all gathered for a final get together.  
Peyton and Skills had stolen some spray paint from the party. Skills sprayed "WE WERE HERE" onto the pavement and signed his name before passing the can to everyone else to do the same. Bevin was the last, she smiled as she stood and stepped back to join the rest of us to look at our art.

"Okay." Brooke began. "We're not gonna do this. We're not gonna get sad. Nothing's gonna change now. We'll be friends forever, I know it." She glanced at all of us who were giving her skeptical or confused looks.

"Look, in four years, we're gonna be right back here. You know, done with college or wherever we go." I added to help her out.

"Yeah." Some of them responded.

Our group ended up persuading Nathan and I to start a game one on one like we had done what felt like decades ago.

"You sure you're up for this old man?" Nathan asked, crouching at the ready with a smirk on his face.

"I could do this forever little brother." I responded, smiling at my little bro before we started playing.

After a few points the others started to join us. When Peyton made an attempt to block me, I simply put my hand on her face and held her at bay. Both of us laughed as she flailed her arms pathetically at me.  
I was amazed as I looked around at the others that I had such an incredible group of friends. We'd all been through a lot together, mixed up here and there. All of us connected by some web of unfortunate events that somehow made us all stronger. It was awesome to be a part of this, and though Brooke had been encouraging, I felt sad that this probably wouldn't last.

After the game and some talking, we all went our separate ways. We all gave each other encouraging words and wished each other good luck with the next four years and beyond. I felt like out worlds were about to change more than expected.

* * *

**sorry it took so long, but I was at a competition where my team took home our first qualifying medal! **

**anyway, Big thanks to cayt326 for being the ONLY person to do as I asked and reviewed. come on now. I need reviews! Pretty please with sugar on top! **


	11. Alone

Chapter 11

Peyton POV

"So Peyton, do you think you're handling yourself well since the rape?"

I flinched and cowered away from the overly cheery psychologist. She was in her 40s with an extremely dark spray tan, badly bleached hair, and a blinding white smile. She was throwing words around like they didn't matter to me. Words like 'rape', 'attempted suicide', or 'overdose'. She openly talked about my panic attacks, night terrors, and how I would sometimes wake up screaming. I'd been doing a bit better in the last few days; I'd stopped waking up screaming and just screamed in my sleep according to Brooke and Lucas.

Brooke and Lucas are the ones who sent me here. They'd made this appointment because they were worried that I wouldn't be ready to first, leave Tree Hill and the safety of home, and second, if I was preparing myself well to say goodbye to Brooke in a month when she was to go to New York, and Luke around October when he would leave to coach at Nate's junior college.  
I had been very surprised and pretty angry with them when they told me of the appointment. I didn't want a psychologist to determine my future, it wasn't fair. Brooke and Luke were the last people I'd expect this from; normally they'd leave the decision to me. But, things hadn't been normal lately. Not since the rape. I was on an emotional roller coaster.

"What do you mean by that?" After a full minute of thought I'd acknowledged the question from the intimidating woman.

"I mean do you think you're returning to normal quickly? Like, how are your relationships with people?"

"Um," I didn't want this stranger to know of everything that I'd been doing and feeling for the last two and a half weeks. "I honestly don't know. Everything changes so fast, it's like I'm bipolar or something. Like, one night, my boyfriend and I were all over each other and I was absolutely fine, given I was wasted, but two days later all he did was touch my boob and suddenly it was like I was back on that closet floor." I tried to be honest and open with her which was extremely hard for me.

"I see." She said, scribbling on her notepad. "Peyton, how well are you keeping up with your relationships compared to before?"

"Um, I guess I'm a lot closer to Lucas and Brooke, but I don't see a lot of my other friends anymore. That could just be because of graduating though. I never really spent summers with them before anyway." I looked down at my lap, ashamed that I was such a bad friend. Maybe my subconscious was right; maybe 'Peyton always drives them away'.

"Do you have issues with abandonment, Peyton? I heard about your Moms' deaths and you fathers job, and how you fought with your best friend, Brooke also told me you have a complex about people always leaving."

"Of course she did." I said bitterly under my breath. "That topic is a bit sensitive to me, ma'am, and I don't think it has anything to do with recent events." I snapped.

"Talking about your troubles is key to recovery. No one help you if you don't talk to anyone."

"Brooke and Lucas know everything about me." I said harshly. "I don't need anyone else to know about my whole life. "That's what happened with that psycho, Ian. I let him in my life and this is what happens." Tears were welling in my eyes but I refused to cry in front of this woman.

"It's okay to cry, I understand. In your defense, you didn't know he wasn't your real brother."

"Don't defend me!" I shouted. "I make the worst decisions! I don't deserve to be defended because this is all because I wasn't careful enough. I shouldn't have undressed in front of my webcam. I shouldn't have made those podcasts." I was shaking with anger now, my hands in tight fists.

"Okay, Peyton. Let's move on." She simply brushed off my little outburst with a smile, which made me even angrier. "Do you ever find yourself doing something you don't remember starting, or being somewhere you don't remember going?"

"Actually, now that I think of it, yea a lot." I admitted, relaxing a bit. "I'll be cooking and not remember what I'm making. Or I'll be driving and not remember where I intended to go. Things like that."

"That's a sign of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or 'PTSD' as most people call it." She said as she scribbled once more in her notes. "As well as the panic attacks Lucas told me of, and the nightmares and night terrors. Also flashbacks triggered by things that remind you of that night." I nodded at her. "Do you ever find yourself physically ill from the anxiety or anything of the sort?"

"When I think about it I feel sick to my stomach, like the nervous or terrified kind of feeling, you know?" I mumbled and glanced up at the psychologist. She was nodding while she wrote.

"Do you think you're ready to move away from all things familiar in just a few days?"

"I honestly don't know. I feel like it could either be really good or really really bad. But I definitely am not ready to say goodbye to Brooke and Luke eventually, but that will happen anyway. If I go to LA, I get a month with my best friend and four with my boyfriend, then I'm thrown into the real world and I'll have to pay rent and hope that this payed internship will pay the price of living. But if I stay in Tree Hill, I lose Brooke in just three days, I won't have a job, but I'll have my home that I don't have to pay for, and I'll have Luke, Haley, Nathan, and the others. But Brooke's my best friend. She gets me, you know?"

"Yes, Peyton. I understand. I think I have the information that I need to give you advice; I don't think you should leave Tree Hill. Moving to LA is a huge step. Leaving all you've ever known, your home, most of your friends. I don't think you're ready." She frowned at my broken expression.

"I thought I was doing okay. I really honestly thought I was coping well. I mean come on! I've already had sex for goodness sakes! That's gotta be a good sign, right!?" This woman was really getting on my nerves, telling me what I should and shouldn't do.

"Actually, it's kind of a sign that you're trying to rush the recovery process. I think you may be taking things to quickly, which will only make it harder on yourself." She retorted with a bit of smart ass sass.

"Ugh. I just wanna go home!" I whined.

"Unless you want the prescription for an anti anxiety drug I was going to to write you, then go right ahead."

"I don't think I can trust myself, honestly. Some days are really bad." I mumbled almost incoherently.

"Do you want it?"

"No, I don't." I decided. "They gave me anti anxiety meds after my mom died and it didn't help. Thanks anyway." I sighed as she nodded scribbling something else in her notes.

"Thank you Peyton, you did very well today. You definitely show signs of PTSD and you need to take things slower with your boyfriend and not rush your physical or emotional healing process. Maybe you should get some therapy or join a support group, anything that would help you get advice from people who understand."

"Thank you. I'll consider. I'm leaving, have a nice day." I said quickly as I stood up and walked to the door.

"Have a nice day yourself, Peyton. Good luck!" She called after me as I rushed from the room.

Once out in the hallway of the office section of the hospital. I took a deep breath and clutched the hand rail meant for elderly people or pregnant women. I felt sick to my stomach and upset that a professional didn't believe in me. I thought I could do this, I thought I was doing okay, but she'd basically told me I was doing terribly and that I was too damaged to live life the way I wanted. I wanted to go to LA but she didn't think I could do it.

I ran to the parking lot and jumped into my car, slamming the door once I was inside. I leaned on the steering wheel with my arms folded around my head and bawled my eyes out. Ian had taken so much from me. And now what little confidence I'd had left was gone. I couldn't do anything anymore!

I sat up and started my car before pulling out of the parking lot onto the main roads. I drove through every red light, soaking in the adrenaline that came with it. There was a small voice in the back of my mind telling me that I wanted what happened to my mom to happen to me. This happened a lot. Even before the rape, if I was ever frustrated or depressed this is what I'd do to distract myself. I'd run red lights knowing full well what could happen, just for the adrenaline rush. It was sort of my form of cutting. Others would cut their arms, legs, or stomachs to feel something, to express their hatred for themselves or other feelings, but I ran red lights. Id been there, done that. I understood why people cut, I even used to do it myself, but it was like running red lights once I could drive had become my new emotional outlet. I didn't have to hurt myself physically anymore, and if I ended up getting hurt from it, I'd probably be dead so it wouldn't matter anymore.

When I finally got home I texted Luke and Brooke:

_Hey the appointment went well but i think i need to be alone tonight. I'll call you tomorrow and explain. Don't bother calling or texting back. Sorry.  
XOX_

I ran up the stairs after locking my deadbolt, an new habit formed after Ian, and put on a Fallout Boy record, smiling as I remembered my short lived fling with Pete Wentz. I turned the volume all the way up like usual and sprawled myself out on my bed and stared at the ceiling, hoping that my friends would leave me alone today. If they listened to me, this would be my first night alone since the attack.  
I decided to skip lunch, I just felt like lying on my bed all day with my music. Eventually I slid into unconsciousness.

I was woke up to the sound of my record player left on with no music playing. I noticed that it was about dusk outside as I passed my window to switch off my record player. I could feel the nerves about staying alone tonight seeping in. Being paranoid, I went to check all the locks on all my doors and windows before going to make myself some ramen noodles for dinner. The house was eerily quiet without Lucas or Brooke, but it was strangely peaceful. Before the first attack, I'd loved being alone. Being alone in my room with my big empty house was my sanctuary. Sure, I like having company, but it felt good to be independent and be able to let loose, sing a song at the top of my lungs, dance around the house in my underwear, and do what I wanted when I wanted without disturbing anyone or being judged. I missed that.

Though I loved being alone, I missed my dad a lot, but he loved his job and I'd never let him know that. He'd drop everything in his life for me if it meant I was happy and I didn't want him to be unhappy. I thought about him and my mom everyday. I thought about how different my life would be if my mom was still around. Dad probably wouldn't travel for work, I'd probably be more social, things like that.

But now I was afraid. I was afraid to be alone in the darkness of my own room. I knew Ian was dead, but what if he'd faked it? It was possible. He could've killed someone who looked like him and planted the body in his car. He could be watching me right now.  
With that realization I immediately stood and threw my finished cup of ramen away before sprinting upstairs and rushing to get ready for bed. He couldn't watch me upstairs, could he? Maybe if I hid under my covers with all six door locks fastened, I'd be safe.  
As I slid under the covers I thought of him creeping around my house, searching for a way in, though there was none. I felt my chest tighten and instantly regretted not taking the prescription from the psychologist. I could feel tears pouring from my eyes as I desperately tried to catch my breath.

"Come on, Peyton. Focus." I mumbled to myself as I focused on my breathing enough to slow my gasps a bit. "You're being silly, he's dead. It's okay." I relaxed my muscles and closed my eyes as I reached over to switch the light off. It was probably better to not see the light leave the room. I was actually considering retrieving my old Winnie the Pooh nightlight from my sock drawer. I kept it because my mom had gotten it for me when I was a baby. I felt ashamed that I was afraid of the dark. This was pathetic. I was turning 18 in just over a month and I was afraid of the dark. July 12th was my birthday. Hopefully I'd be in LA with Brooke, Lucas, and a job by then.

I opened my eyes to nothing but darkness and let out a tiny squeak of fear when I was met by the empty, unknown space before me. I pulled my covers over my head and lay there shaking as I cried myself to sleep.  
I tossed and turned all night, waking up from nightmares several times. I had flashbacks of that night at least twice that night. It was awful. I just wanted to sleep. For a moment I considered calling Luke, but I told myself that I'd they'd never trust me enough to leave me in LA if I caved now.

* * *

**Merry Christmas Eve!**


	12. I need you Mom

Chapter 12

Peyton POV

It was about 4am when I finally gave up on sleeping. I didn't want to keep subjecting myself to the same terrifying vision of Ian I got every time I closed my eyes. I got out of bed and pulled on a pair of pajama pants before heading barefoot out to my car. I was hoping that a drive would help clear my head and calm my nerves a bit. It was starting to rain as I got in my Comet and started the engine.  
As I drove along my quiet street I started to think about my mom. I thought of how having her around in this difficult time would make things different. I thought of how when I was really young and I would have a nightmare, or if it was storming I would run to my parents room, cuddle between them and feel incredibly safe in their arms. I thought of Mom laying with me in my own bed if I had trouble sleeping, or reading to me before bed. I remembered having mother-daughter talks with her about my day at school, or if I wasn't getting along with someone. I missed her so much.

I'd been driving for about five minutes before I realized where I was going. I was on the road to the cemetery. I decided it was a proper time to visit my mom as I hadn't been able to come by since the attack, and I needed to talk to my mom.  
I parked the car as close as possible to where my mom was buried. I made my way through the steady rain until I reach the large headstone that read 'Anna Rebecca Sawyer'. I dropped to my knees on the soaked ground and rested my forehead on my mom's headstone.

"I'm so sorry Mom," I began, "I've tried to be a good girl. I've tried to be who you wanted me to be, but I always get myself into trouble. I wonder sometimes if you watch me all the time, you know? Like, did you see me when I was using my webcam, or putting all my information online with my podcasts? Did you see me do that line of cocaine? Did you see all those times I've fucked up? Did you see my life coming apart at the seams while it was supposed to be coming together? Cause it feels like I'm so alone. I'm so confused, Mom, I have my friends but I just feel so empty. I feel like I've fucked up so bad. I did this to myself, Mom. I did this. I let this happen and I just have that empty feeling when you know you can't fix something and you know there's nothing you can do to make it better and no one understands." I was starting to sob as I poured my heart out to this headstone. I knew my mom was here with me listening, I could feel her.

"I'm scared, Mom. I feel like he's still around. In my head I know he's gone, but there's that heavy feeling that I can't shake. I can't do this on my own. I need you. I'm so confused. Help me, Mommy, I need you!" I wailed. I curled up on the cold, wet ground on my moms grave, letting the rain saturate my clothes and drench me completely. I shivered from the cold rain, but I felt safe here and couldn't bring myself to leave. I closed my eyes and let the tears flow.

"I love you Mommy. Sometimes I wish I could join you. I wish I was dead." I felt an overwhelming calmness wash over me. It was almost as if my mom was here and it was like she was tucking me in to bed as she had when I was little. I gratefully let myself slip into the peace of unconsciousness. I slept peacefully without dreams for the first time in more than three weeks.

It felt like I was sleeping forever before I was awoken by someone yelling my name close by. I recognized the voice as Brooke's. I was still lying on my moms grave, curled up and shivering. I was soaking wet. By the look of the sky it was probably late morning, though it was hard to tell as the rain was still pouring from the gloomy sky.

"Peyton! Where are you? I see your car, I'm coming to get you, don't you dare move P. Sawyer!" Brooke called, uneasiness in her voice. I knew graveyards freaked her out. I heard her footsteps fast approaching. The first I saw of her was her giant red umbrella looming over me. "Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer, what the hell were you thinking! How long have you been here!?"

I just blinked groggily at her as the expression on her face grew angrier. "Answer me, Peyton. Why didn't you at least bring an umbrella? And why aren't you wearing shoes or a coat!?" I could feel tears welling in my eyes once more as I looked up at the disappointed face of my best friend. "Oh, hey Peyton, stop that." She whined as she knelt beside me. "Can you get up?" I shivered and rolled onto my other side to face away from her. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to be with my mom.

Brooke pulled the hood of her rain jacket up and set her umbrella down before pulling on my arm, trying to get me up. She tried to wrap her arms around me and carry me, but I tightened my grip around my knees and didn't allow her to do so. She sighed with frustration before standing up.

"Fine. Be that way. I'm gonna go get Luke. He's in the car. I told him not to come unless I came back for him." I whimpered as she left me to get Lucas. I didn't want him to see me like this. It wasn't fair that they had to deal with me. They didn't deserve this.

"Peyton!" Lucas called through the rain as he approached. "Hey, Peyt, come on, pretty girl. We gotta get you warm." He slipped his arms under me and tried to lift me, but I jerked out of his arms and weakly clung to my mom's headstone. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me from the ground. Once he was standing up with me, he adjusted his hold on me so that I was in his arms the way he'd carried me from the school the day of the shooting. I buried my face in his shoulder as he carried me to my car.  
He asked Brooke to retrieve the towel they'd brought along for me from his car, and explained that Brooke knew I'd be here in the rain since they didn't find me at home. He wrapped me in the giant towel and sat me in the front seat, telling Brooke to take his car and lead the way to his house. I curled up against him and shivered as he drove us to his house.  
I cried as we drove, disappointed in myself. Just another thing to ad to my list of mistakes. What was I thinking? Staying out in the rain that long could make me sick, and I really didn't want to be sick before we left for LA.

As we pulled into the driveway of Luke's house, I sat up slowly and groaned. My joints felt frozen from being locked in the same position in the freezing cold rain for so long. I checked my cars clock to see that it was 9am. I'd been at Mom's grave for nearly five hours.  
Lucas got out and opened my door for me before taking my hand and helping me get slowly out of the car. I was shivering so bad I could barely walk, and my slowly healing ribs were in a lot of pain. I whimpered as he lead me to his outside bedroom door. Brooke was already inside, rummaging for something for me to wear. Brooke handed me some gray sweatpants and a large gray 'Charleston Bobcats' tshirt.

"Alright, Peyton." Lucas said. "Go to the bathroom, dry off and put those on. You can't be in wet clothes. I'll put yours through the washer and dryer to get all the mud out and dry them off."  
I nodded at Luke before hobbling off the the bathroom. I stripped all my wet clothes off before getting in the shower and turning the water to scorching hot. As I shut off the water when I was done, I heard the door open, then close. I peeked warily out from behind the curtain to see a fresh, perfectly folded white towel waiting for me. When I reached out to grab it I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was warm straight from the dryer with a sticky note that read 'Love, Lucas' in Lucas's neat but boyish handwriting.

"Aww" I sighed to myself as I smiled at the sticky note. Lucas was so sweet, I couldn't ask for any better. I dried myself with the wonderfully warm towel before wrapping my hair in it in a turban to start to dry. I slipped on the huge sweatpants and tied the string as tight as I could. I then slipped on the large shirt that must've been big even on Luke. The shirt fell almost to my knees.

When I exited the bathroom Brooke was standing near the door speaking with Lucas. "I'm gonna head home. I got some packing to do. You gonna be okay without me P. Sawyer?" Brooke made intense eye contact with me, which was a little more than the situation called for. I glance back at her, confused.

"Yea Brooke. I'll call you later, okay?" I responded, my voice croaky from being out in the cold.

"Okay." Brooke nodded before turning on Lucas. "We'll talk about this later." She quickly escaped out the door before Luke or I could say anything.

"Luke," I began, "what's she talking about?"

"Nothing, P. But you and I need to talk about this morning, okay?" He lead me to his bed and helped me into it. He walked around to his side and climbed in beside me before pulling all the blankets around me.

"Okay, Lucas. What do you need to hear?" I said as I took my hair from the towel and began to brush through it.

"How did you sleep before you went there, and how long were you there for?"

"I had trouble sleeping all alone in the dark." I began, "I had nightmares, and flashbacks, I couldn't sleep for more than maybe an hour at a time. Then at around 4am I decided to take a drive and it lead me to the cemetery."

"You were there for almost five hours!?" Lucas exclaimed, a worried expression on his face.

"Yeah." I sighed. "Not my brightest moment."

"No. Not at all, Peyton! You could get sick!"

"With what? It's summer, nothing's going around." I argued with him even though I knew he was right.

"Anything! A cold, the flu, pneumonia. If you get the flu or pneumonia or anything worse than a cold you can't go to LA."

"What? Why not?"

"You'll be in no condition to fly. Besides, Brooke and I weren't gonna let you go anyway."

"What? Lucas! This is my life, I should be able to choose for myself. My future is in LA. This could be my only chance." I was hurt by what Lucas said. Him and Brooke weren't in charge of my life, it wasn't fair of them to make that decision for me.

"I know that Peyton, but I really don't want you to be left alone in an unfamiliar place. Especially not after this morning." Lucas said calmly. His intentions were good but I couldn't just let this opportunity go to waste.

"But what if this is my only chance, Luke? What if I'm throwing something really great away?" I said quietly. I felt like I was gonna cry.

"Hey, it's okay. We'll talk about this with Brooke next time we see her."

"But she's leaving in like three days, Luke!"

"We will see her before then, P."

"But plane tickets?"

"She's hasn't got them yet. She has to see when her parents will be home to let her in." Lucas wrapped his arms gently around me and pulled me down to the pillows. "Sleep, Peyton. You couldnt have got any rest sleeping out in the rain."

"Actually, it was the best sleep I'd had since the beach." I mumbled as my eyes began to close. "I'm exhausted from everything. All my mood changes are draining my energy."

"Sleep, Beautiful. I'll be here when you wake." Lucas ran his fingers through my damp hair, spreading it across the pillow. He continued to comb it with his fingers in a soothing way which helped me to relax and eventually fall asleep.

Lucas POV

Finding Peyton in the rain earlier had caused me to worry about Peyton's health. I'd read somewhere that being out in the cold with no coat or source of warmth caused your immune system to not work as well. If she did get sick, it would probably be easier to convince her to stay. I'd be there for her if she got sick, I'd never leave her side. Peyton was my angel, I needed her. She was my inspiration to finish my novel in progress 'An Unkindness of Ravens', she was my best friend, my true love, my everything.

I couldn't let Peyton lose her dream when it was so close. I had to let her go to LA, even if it was just until October when I'd have to leave. I guess if she really really wanted to stay and if she was ready to, I'd let her stay. But if she wasn't ready, I'd have to take her to Gilmore college with me.  
I didn't want to make her unhappy, but I didn't want her to be alone if she wasn't ready. This whole situation sucked.

Peyton POV

I woke up with a splitting headache. I opened my eyes slowly to see that the only light in Luke's room was the dim evening light shining through the edges of the curtains. Lucas was asleep beside me, one of his hands was still behind my head and he had the cutest little smile on his handsome face.  
After a moment, I had to close my eyes tight to try to block out the dim light. It was making my headache worse, and I wanted to cry because it hurt so bad. I groaned and squirmed uncomfortably as I tried to get more blankets over me. I was freezing, almost as cold as I had been this morning. My stirring must've woken Lucas because he moved his arm from underneath me and sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes.

"Hey, Baby. You okay? You took all my covers." He said gently as he brushed my now dry hair out of my face.

"I'm cold!" I whined, peaking my eyes open. "And I feel like I'm gonna throw up." I whimpered as I felt a wave of nausea hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Seriously?" He asked, sitting up straighter.

"Mhmm." I nodded squeezing my eyes shut again. I could wait anymore, it was gonna happen. I jumped out of the bed and sprinted to the bathroom with Lucas hot on my heels.

When I was done puking my guts out, Lucas took care of me like he had several other times. I'd thrown up more this past month than I had in the last four years, and he'd been there for me every single time. I felt way too dependent on Lucas lately.  
When I was back in the warmth of the bed I glanced at the clock to see that it was 6:00. I sighed and pulled the blankets over my face.

"Luke, what am I gonna do!?" I whined. "I hate being so weak."

"Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer, you are not weak!" Lucas exclaimed. "Well, maybe physically right now but that's because you're sick."

"I can't keep being such a baby. What am I gonna do?"

"I'll tell you what. You're gonna come to LA with Brooke and I, take the internship, then, if you need to, come back to Gilmore college with me in the fall." Lucas said with a smile.

"What? You're gonna let me come!?" I asked excitedly.

"Yes, pretty girl. I thought about it and I know how upset you'd be if we didn't let you, and this is a huge opportunity for you. I'll be there for you, I promise baby, you're gonna do this internship and everything will be okay. I promise." Lucas climbed into the bed with me and let me snuggle up close with him.

"I love you, Lucas Eugene Scott." I giggled as I mocked how he'd used my full name earlier.

"And I love you, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer." He said as he pressed his forehead to mine. "I love you so much."


	13. Sick Day

Chapter 13

Peyton POV.

"Lucas," I groaned as I opened my eyes, "Lucas?" My head was pounding and my stomach was churning unpleasantly. I was really starting to regret falling asleep in the rain.

"Good morning beautiful. How are you feeling?" He rolled over to face me and smiled happily at me. It was hard to believe that I was the cause for his joy.

"I feel terrible," I coughed, starting to feel congested, "Could you get me some Tylenol please? I still have a bad headache."

"Aw. Do you feel like eating? I feel bad that I didn't make you eat anything yesterday." Lucas sat up and felt my forehead. "You're burning up, P. Let me get the Tylenol and the thermometer, okay?"

"Thanks, and I guess I should try eating crackers or something." I really didn't feel well enough to eat, but I knew I probably should try.

Lucas got up and left to retrieve all the necessary things to take care of me. He brought back a roll of saltine crackers, two water bottles, a bottle of Tylenol, and a thermometer. He'd carried them all in a large blue mop bucket. He dumped the contents of the bucket onto the bed before setting the bucket on the floor beside me.

"Alrighty then. There's the bucket if you need to throw up again. Let me take your temperature before you take the Tylenol or anything." Lucas picked up the thermometer and stuck it in my mouth under my tongue. He sat on the bed beside me and played with my hair while we waited for the thermometer to beep. When it did Luke pulled it gently from my mouth and checked the tiny screen.

"This isn't too good, Peyt." He said sounding worried.

"Well, what is it?"

"103.2. We gotta lower that fever." He left for the kitchen once more and returned with an teal, old fashioned ice bag. He put it on my head before getting some Tylenol out for me. He gestured for me to open my mouth so that he could give me the pills. Once they were in my mouth he carefully tipped one of the water bottles into my mouth so that I could take a sip.

"Luke, you're literally the best boyfriend ever." I sighed after swallowing the Tylenol. He was doing everything for me.

"I know." Luke responded with a smile as he opened the roll of crackers.

"You're always saving me." I sighed.

"Someone's got to." He said. We shared a knowing look, remembering when we'd first said that.

Lucas and I had been through a lot in the last two years. Both of us had lives heavy with bad luck and drama. Lucas and I understood each other. He saw me for who I was and I saw him for who he was. We were very close and I trusted him almost as much as I trusted Brooke. Him and I were just 'right' with each other. I felt like we belonged together.

Lucas sat on the bed beside me and handed me a few saltines.

"Here, you need to get some food in you. Then I want you to sip at this water bottle slowly until it's all gone, then you need to sleep." He helped me prop up on some pillows. It made me unbelievably queasy, but I did my best to ignore the feeling as he rubbed my back soothingly, trying to help me relax. I nibbled on the crackers, and was able to eat four before I decided that it was enough. I sipped on the water like Luke had told me to.  
Suddenly my stomach started to churn and my head started to spin. I felt myself start to shake. I reached for the bucket and held it in my lap with my face over it, knowing I was going to throw up soon. Lucas held my hair back and began to rub my back. It was only a few seconds before the crackers and water came back up. I felt tears slip from my eyes as it happened and I began to sob when I was done throwing up.

"Hey! It's okay Peyton, it's okay! Hey, I got you. Luke's got you." Lucas hummed as he pulled me onto his lap. He grabbed a tissue from the bedside table and wiped my mouth before letting me tuck my head against his chest. "I need to call my mom and get advice from her. Do you know what to do?"

"I-I haven't b-been this sick since elementary school." I stuttered.

"Okay. It's okay pretty baby. Don't cry anymore. I'm gonna call Karen, okay?" I nodded as he placed me back on the bed under the covers. He put the ice pack back on my head and took the bucket to the bathroom to clean as he pulled his cell phone out to call Karen. I could just barely hear him over the sound of the bathtub which he was using to rinse the bucket.

"Hey mom... Yea you could say that... She didn't quite make it through the night... No she slept well last night..." I knew Lucas and his mom talked almost every night, so it was no surprise that they were discussing my recent actions. I knew he gave her a detailed update all the time.

"I need your advice on how to take care of her... Yeah she's pretty sick... 103.2 last time I checked... Yes... I tried having her eat crackers and sip water... No, she just threw it all up... Yes... Okay I'll get Brooke to get that... Okay I'll call you tonight for an update, thanks... Love you too... Bye Ma."

"Hey Brooke... No she's real sick... Yeah, could you run to the store and pick up some ginger ale for her on your way?... Thanks, Brooke. See you soon."

Lucas came back into the room looking stressed. After setting the bucket down, he sat down beside me and stroked my forehead.

"My poor girl. Brooke's running by the store to get you some ginger ale. It should settle your stomach. Do you want to try drinking water again?" I nodded at his question. He poured some more of the water bottle into my mouth so that I could keep the ice pack on my head. "Not too big of sips, pretty girl. Don't drink it too fast." He said as he let me have more water.

"You're too good to me." I croaked as he put the bottle down and readjusted my pillows and blankets. He tucked the blankets around me carefully and kissed me on the forehead as he brushed my hair out off my face.

"Go to sleep, baby, you need rest, okay?" I didn't respond, I just closed my eyes and was soon fast asleep.

Lucas POV.

Peyton was impossibly beautiful, even when she was sick as a dog. I loved Peyton at her worst and at her best, it didn't matter to me. I hated that my baby was uncomfortable and that there wasn't anything I could really do to help her. The bright side to this was that she hadn't woken up or screamed last night, and she seemed okay for right now.  
Brooke snuck quietly in about 10 minutes after Peyton had fallen asleep. She took the 2 liter bottle of ginger ale to the fridge before coming back and pulling my desk chair up to the bed so that she could be near Peyton.

"Oh Luke, she looks miserable." Brooke sighed sadly. "What did you decide about LA?"

"We decided that well go for the summer, but Peyton will most likely come with me to Gilmore in October."

"That's not bad I guess. I just don't want her to be alone. You know?"

"Yeah." Just then Peyton made a low whining noise and squirmed uncomfortably in the bed.

"Oh poor baby!" Brooke whined stoking Peyton's cheek. Peyton's eyes snapped open as she shot up and grabbed the bucket to throw up once more. Brooke held her hair back this time while I rubbed her back.

"Hey, shh shh shh. It's okay, baby." I soothed when I saw the tears coming once more. I held her tight and rocked her as she cried.  
When she was done crying Brooke took her hand.

"Hey, Peyton. I brought some ginger ale. Do you want some?" Brooke asked gently. Peyton nodded her head and Brooke got up and went to get the ginger ale.

We sat with Peyton while she sipped the ginger ale. She was able to keep it down for about an hour before getting sick again. But the thing was; there wasn't much in her stomach for her to bring up, so it was a very unpleasant experience with lots of crying and gagging. I felt so bad for her, I just wanted her suffering to end.

It was about 6:39 when I decided to call my mom again. Peyton and Brooke were in my room watching a movie on my laptop while I headed to the kitchen to use the home phone. I dialed moms cell number and waited. She answered on the first ring.

"Lucas? How is she?"

"She's not feeling any better. She's been able to sip some ginger ale. She couldn't keep it down the first time, but so far so good. Her and Brooke are watching a movie, she seems okay for now."

"Okay give her some Phenegran to help with the nausea. She's not gonna like the taste or smell of it but it will help her. It should be in the medicine cabinet in the kitchen. It's a green liquid. Also, break up some ice cubes and have her eat the ice chips."

"Is that all?"

"For now, yes. How's her fever?"

"It was at 102.4 an hour ago."

"That's a little better. Keep trying to lower it. If it spikes again at all get her straight to the hospital, okay? Keep me updated day and night."

"Got it Ma, thanks."

"Okay. Take good care of her, Luke. I love you."

"Love you too." We hung up and I headed back to my room with a medicine cup full of the foul green liquid and some ice chips. Peyton glanced up at me as I entered.  
She looked exhausted; her hair was a tangled mess around her head and she had dark circles under her eyes. She was still wearing my shirt, but she'd changed into a pair of my boxers. They hung so loosely on her hips that if she stood, they'd definitely fall down. Knowing Peyton, she'd be in her underwear if they weren't in my laundry room. I knew I should give her pajamas from the other night back, but I loved seeing her in my clothes, and she liked wearing them.  
I handed her the green stuff and grabbed the ginger ale from the nightstand to give her to wash it down. She gagged and coughed unpleasantly as she took it and I grabbed the bucket just in case. She quickly took a sip of the ginger ale before she coughed some more.

"Okay. I'm okay." She panted. "That was AWFUL!" I chucked as I pulled her to me for a hug.

"Good job, Peyt. Now I think you should eat these ice chips, and if you're feeling a bit better, you should take a hot shower." I suggested. She gave me sad puppy-dog eyes and pouted her lips.

"But Luke, I don't wanna get up. I'm dizzy and I don't feel good." She sounded like an upset child.

"I know, pretty girl. But you need to get better. The ice chips will keep you hydrated and they're easy on your stomach. The shower might make you feel better too."

"Okay. But Only if I still get to wear you clothes after. They're much roomier than mine."

"Whatever you want, gorgeous." I said with a smile. I handed her the bowl of ice as she settled back onto the bed.

"Luke," Brooke began, "unless you like High School Musical, get your ass out of here."

"You guys are seriously watching that? Isn't that for like, eight year olds?"

"Maybe." Peyton said with a tiny smile. "Come on Luke. I know you used to wet the bed when you were seven. So who are you to judge us?"

"What? Who told you that?!" I exclaimed, I'd never told her or Brooke that!

"Haley." Peyton said with a devious smile. Brooke was obviously trying as hard as she could not to burst out laughing.

"Hey no fair!" I protested, it was far beyond embarrassing that she knew that.

"Mmm wow, Luke I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have said anything." Peyton said with a frown. "That was too harsh."

"It's okay, P. I bet Brooke's got plenty of dirt on you." I laughed trying to let it go.

"Oh yeah I do!" Brooke said sitting up from where she was sitting on the bed with Peyton.

"Spill. Sawyer owes me one." I said with a wink.

"I guess I deserve it." Peyton sighed.

"Okay. Umm Haha, a kid showed his penis to Peyton on the bus in kindergarten and she cried. For two hours."

"Two hours, Peyt?" I asked her, raising my eyebrows.

"He was asking people if they wanted to see his 'wiener' I thought he meant like his lunch or something, and he wouldn't shut up about it so I said yes to shut him up, and he whipped his dick out in the middle of the bus ride to school. I guess I was super sheltered in kindergarten cause I didn't know they looked like that, and I got scared and started crying. It was pretty fucked up, the kid was in fifth grade, you know, one of those rowdy, nothing-but-trouble kids. He got suspended. Pretty sure he's in jail now. Not from that, obviously. I think for drugs or whatever." Peyton rolled her eyes and took another spoonful of ice.

"Ugh what pervy kid shows his dick to a kindergartener?" Peyton rolled her eyes once more at my question. I could tell she didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"I guess I'm gonna go get in the shower." Peyton said as she got shakily to her feet.

"Do you need help walking, P?" I asked, standing in case she said yes. She shook her head and headed toward the bathroom.

"Alright, I'm heading home, P. Sawyer. Call me if you need me!" Brooke called as she got up and went to leave. Peyton waved goodbye before continuing down the hall.

Once I heard the water turn on I went to find something for her to wear. Most of my boxers would fall right off of her and I wasn't about to put her in my briefs. She'd asked to wear my clothes so I had to find something. I grabbed a plain gray tshirt and decided to let her wear my red plaid boxers. They were a little snug around the waist on me so they were her best bet. I went into the bathroom while Peyton was showering to deliver my clothes to her.

"Hey baby, you doing okay? I got some more clothes for you." She cautiously peeked her pretty green eyes out of the curtain, relaxing when she saw me.

"My head feels a bit better and my nose doesn't feel too stuffed anymore." She sounded a little better and her words were no longer as slow as before. "I still feel sick to my stomach though, and I'm still really tired."

"Okay if you need me I'll be in the bedroom." As I turned to leave, Peyton called me back.

"No Lucas. Can you stay please? You make me feel better." She said in a quiet voice.

"Of course, baby. Anything for you." I took a seat on the lid of the toilet and waited until Peyton was ready to get out. I held open a towel for her as she opened the curtain. She hurried to the towel and shivered as I wrapped her up in it. I scooped her up into my arms and kissed the tip of her nose. She giggled as I grabbed the clothes from the counter and carried her back to the bedroom. I set her carefully down on the bed and smiled at her.

"I love you Luke. You're so sweet." She sighed with a weak smile.

"Love you too, Peyton. Now get dressed, beautiful." She sat up and let the towel drop as she picked up the gray shirt. I couldn't help but let my eyes linger for a moment. She slipped my boxers on before crawling back to her spot on the bed. I climbed in beside her and kissed her on the forehead. We sank into the covers together.

The night started okay and Peyton slept for almost a half hour before becoming restless and jumpy. She mumbled something about it being too hot before tossing all the blankets off of herself. She squirmed for a while before becoming still once more. Then about 10 minutes later she was curled up shivering. I put a few blankets back over her and tried to get a bit of sleep while she was quiet. I could tell this was going to be a bad night already.

I was right. Peyton talked and screamed in her sleep all night, waking up twice to vomit, and another time to just cry. I wanted so badly to make her feel better, but there wasn't much I could do. I held her when she needed to be held, I was there to soothe her when she woke and I even tried to calm her when she was screaming in her sleep by rubbing her arm and playing with her hair, along with whispering positive things to her. I was trying my best to make her comfortable. But it didn't seem to be working.

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**So I was thinking that maybe Lucas is babying Peyton a little too much, and maybe Peyton should be a little more independent (or at least try a little). What do you think? let me know how you like it, your opinions matter to me!**

**Thanks!**


	14. Packing

**so first of all THANK YOU for the reviews on chapter 13. I really do appreciate your input on this story, and I am very thankful for each of your opinions.**

**second of all, I'm so sorry for how short and rushed this chapter is. I got extremely impatient with it because it's a transition chapter. I know its boring, but please just bear with me! **

**Thank you again, and I love you all!**

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Chapter 14

Peyton POV.

Last night had been awful. I felt so bad that Luke had to be bothered with me waking up a total of three times, and probably making noise in my sleep all night. He had to be dying for a little peace and quiet? I woke in his arms, our legs tangled together and one of his hands tangled in my hair. I honestly loved when Lucas played with my hair. Normally if anyone else ever touched my hair, I would cringe away and ask them not to, but when Lucas did it, it calmed me. I loved the feeling of him. He made me feel safe and loved.

As I lay in Luke's arms, I thought about how I was feeling. I'd had a rough night, but I felt surprisingly better. My head didn't hurt anymore and I didn't feel queasy. I still, however, felt slow and tired, my chest felt tight and congested, and my ribs were killing me. My feet and hands were also extremely cold.

I smiled as I came up with a little idea to wake Luke up. I had to pee and Luke would probably wake when I got up anyway. He was a light sleeper when it came to me. It was like he was hyper sensitive toward me.  
I giggled quietly to myself as I wiggled my freezing feet under Luke's pajama pants and pressed my feet to his legs. His eyes popped open and he shivered slightly. He looked over at me with a groggy smile on his face.

"Jeez, Peyton. You turned into an ice cube or something?" He joked, his voice slow from exhaustion. He yawned and stretched his arms and legs out. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," I said quietly, letting out a yawn that turned into a rough cough, "sorry for waking you up again Luke, but your hand was in my hair and I really got to get up and go to the bathroom."

"Go right ahead." He chuckled as I leaped of the bed and jogged to the bathroom. When I came back, Lucas had rolled over onto his stomach with a pillow over his head. I frowned, upset that I was the reason for him to be so tired.  
I tiptoed to the laundry room where I took off Luke's large tshirt and put on the camisole I'd been wearing when they'd found me in the cemetery. I kept on his boxers, as I was planning on keeping them. Though they were extremely loose, I knew he'd find it sexy for me to wear them on occasion.

I then went to the kitchen where I started making breakfast. I did my best to cover my mouth with the crease of my elbow every time I coughed. I decided to make bacon, French toast, and scrambled eggs for the both of us. I knew I should probably take it easy for now, food wise, but I was starving! I really hoped Lucas would wake up soon so that we could enjoy breakfast together. I craved those kind of moments where we could just be a happy couple. I assembled plates for us as neatly as I could: bacon on the right, French toast with a moderate amount of powdered sugar on the left, and eggs at the bottom half of the plate.

"Lucas, Baby." I called quietly as I peeked into his room, tired of waiting. "Hey Luke, breakfast is ready!" He sat up with an annoyed look on his face before sighing dramatically and getting up, following me to the kitchen. I frowned when I turned away from him. I could tell he was getting fed up with me. I was bothering him.  
He plopped down onto his chair at the kitchen table and I placed the plate before him as I joined him. He started with a large chunk of French toast. I nibbled at my bacon while I watched him. He didn't say anything as we ate. No 'thank you for breakfast' or 'this is really good' and I was a bit disappointed by his attitude.

"I think I'm gonna go home soon." I sighed. "Do you remember when I woke up last night? Like what time was it? I feel bad for waking you up." I said timidly. I wanted to figure out how much sleep Luke had got, I felt really bad for depriving him of a full nights sleep almost every night for the last three weeks.

"Uh, well you fell asleep at about 8:30, but about 10 minutes later you were squirming around and tossing the covers off of you. Then you got cold and I had to cover you up again. I fell asleep at like, 10:00, but you got sick around 11:30, and again around maybe 2-ish. And you basically had night terrors until you woke up screaming at maybe 4:50-ish. I didn't get back to sleep till 5:30. And then of course you woke up at 9." Luke sounded grumpy and I didn't blame him one bit.

"God, Luke I'm so sorry. I must've been a pain last night. Ugh that's terrible." I was truly upset that I'd basically forced Luke to not sleep. I quickly finished as much of my breakfast as I could muster before running to the laundry room to get my underwear and pajama pants to wear home.

"Okay Lucas." When I entered Lucas's bedroom, he was already back in bed. "I'm going home, now. Meet me at my house with all the spoilable foods from your house so we can take it all to the homeless shelter before we leave. It would be a shame to just throw it away. Brooke is picking us up at 9:30 with the rental car." He just nodded in response.  
"Alright. I'm going home now. Thank you so much for taking care of me, Lucas, it meant a lot to me. I love you."

"Love you too, Peyton. Drive safe." Lucas then rolled over and pulled the covers over him.

I drove home with the Comet's top still up, which was a little unusual for me. I just wasn't in the mood for it to be down. I was actually terrified to go home. I'd been home alone since the rape but I hadn't entered the house alone. I was terrified that a certain dead psycho stalker could be waiting behind my front door, preparing for my arrival.  
I held my breath as I walked slowly up to my door. My phone was in my hand, my finger hovering over the '2' button ready to call Brooke on speed dial. I unlocked my door and threw it open. I was able to breathe a sigh of relief when no one jumped out at me.

I went straight up to my room and changed back into Luke's boxers. I took off my camisole and wore only a sports bra in its place. I walked over to my computer and sat down. Pulled up the search engine and typed in 'rape victim mood issues'. I was trying to find out what was really wrong with me. I didn't think it was just PTSD. It was a real problem and I needed to find out what was wrong.  
I scrolled down until I reached a Wikipedia page 'Rape Trauma Syndrome'. I read the whole thing. It included a lot of the things that had happened to me since the rape. It explained why I'd been so open to having sex with Luke at the beach, and why I'd been terrified just a few days later. It explained my mood swings. It explained why I'd vomited randomly at Luke's house that night, my anxiety and sudden crying fits. It also included my fears of large groups and being left alone. It all made sense now. I had Rape Trauma Syndrome.

I was a little angry that the psychologist had told me I had PTSD instead of RTS. Though they were similar to most, in my eyes they were very different. I grabbed my phone and dialed the hospital.

"Hello this is the Tree Hill Hospital, how may I help you?" A smooth woman's voice answered.

"Yes, could I speak with Dr. Rosse please? This is Peyton Sawyer."

"Yes, sweetie. Let me see if she's available. One moment please... Okay honey she's there, I'm transferring you."

"Thank you."

"Hello?" Answered the overly perky voice of Dr. Rosse.

"Yeah. I think I have Rape Trauma Syndrome. Not PTSD." I stated with frustration in my voice, deciding to get straight to the point. "I looked it up. It's the perfect diagnosis."

"We didn't have much time to discuss Peyton. I have a time slot today at 3 o'clock, if you wish to re-evaluate."

"No it's not important, I just wanted to ask if it was possible for you to change the diagnosis officially?"

"Yes, Peyton. I'm not supposed to without an appointment, but I'll go ahead and write it in your file. Is that all?"

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you."

"You're very welcome Peyton. Have a nice day."

"That was easy." I mumbled after we'd hung up.

I went back to the computer and bookmarked the page. I then called Brooke to tell her about it. She told me that she would be over to talk and help me pack in about an hour. I sat at my computer and researched RTS for the rest of the hour, looking for pages that had advice or something if the sort.

As I searched I was vaguely aware of an increasing tightness in my lower abdomen. When it finally became almost unbearable, I actually smiled. I knew what it meant, I got up and went straight to the bathroom to check. I'd never been so happy to have gotten my period. Even though I'd been on the pill at the time of the rape, I was still extremely paranoid, so getting my period was kind of a big deal for me.  
I had been on birth control for a while up until I ran out last week. I'd decided not to get it again because I had bad health insurance, and the main reason I'd tried it hadn't worked. I'd gotten it because I wanted it to regulate my periods, but it hadn't worked. For most girls, periods were supposed to regulate after about two years, but mine never had, and the birth control hadn't helped much, so I decided not to get it again.

I immediately picked up the phone and called Brooke again.

"Peyton, what is it?" She asked in a worried tone.

"Brooke, I got my period!" I exclaimed as I was hunched over with my arm pressed into my cramping abdomen.

"Okay... That great, hun, but didn't we go over this when we were twelve?" Brooke said with a chuckle.

"It's the first since Ian! I'm so excited! It means that I'm not pregnant but I can still have kids! I heard that some people lose their fertility after rape so I was worried, but I'm okay! I can still have kids!" I was so happy, I was close to tears.

"That's great honey! I'll be right over with some Hershey's chocolate to celebrate!" Brooke and I hung up.

After taking care of myself, I went downstairs to greet Brooke. She didn't live far away and she kept a basket of Hershey's chocolate, so I knew she'd come straight over. I smiled when I saw her light blue beetle pull up to the curb. She skipped happily up to my door which I had waiting open for her. She took my hand and we ran up the stairs to my room.

She tossed me two packs of Reese's, a bag of almond Hershey Kisses, and a pack of cherry Twizzlers, before pulling out my huge suitcase and starting to pack for me. I nibbled on a Reese's as I watched her.

"Make sure you get my moms shirt!" Though it had lost its scent long ago, I still treasured it as a piece of her.

"Got it, P." Brooke said with a smile as she walked over to my bed and pulled it out from it's hiding spot under my pillow. Lucas didn't know I still slept with it, only Brooke knew. She gently folded it and placed it in my carry on bag.

We chatted and packed my stuff for tomorrow for a while. I talked to her about my new diagnosis of RTS, and how closely my recent actions matched it. We talked about how nervous she was to see her parents and show up with both me and Luke. I reassured her that if any conflict arrived, Luke and I would find an apartment or something. I told her how this was the first time I'd be flying without my mom, and she comforted me by helping me pack a carry on bag full of things that would calm me. She had to put my moms tshirt on my stuffed dog and stuffed it and a small fleece blanket into the bag.

We had a pretty good day talking as we packed and cleaned my house, but eventually, Brooke had to leave. We said goodbye around 11 o'clock at night and I made sure she made it safely to her car before locking my door behind her. I went straight to my room and tried to sleep, but it didn't work. I was nervous and my mind was racing all night. It was 2:30 before I gave up and headed to my bathroom. I took two small melatonin pills and tried again to sleep. Only after about an hour did I fall into restless sleep. My sleep was haunted by the nightmares of that nigh three weeks ago. I hated that this hadn't gone away yet. It wasn't fair. Was this hell my karma for having a fling with Lucas back when he was with Brooke? I didn't really believe in karma, but if it was karma, karma truly was a bitch. I just wanted a full night if quiet, calming sleep.

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**Reviews keep me writing! Thanks again for all the reviews on chapter 13!**


	15. Air

Chapter 15

Peyton POV

I woke up at 6:30 so that I'd have plenty of time to collect all the food for the shelter. I didn't bother with makeup for later today, since I had a five hour flight to LA. I had to gather everything in plastic bags and collapsible coolers for the homeless shelter before switching off the power and electric for my house. I still had a bad cough and could feel my head pounding with my heartbeat.

Just as I was closing the circuit breaker box, I heard Luke's car horn sound outside. I collected the 4 plastic bags and the 2 large cooler bags and headed out to the truck Luke had borrowed from Junk, where I was able to place all the bags in the back. After closing the tailgate, I walked around to the passenger side of the truck and hopped in, covering my mouth as I let out a rough series of coughs.

"Hey baby." Luke greeted as he turned to face me. His eyes were covered with aviator sunglasses, one of his hands was on the top of the steering wheel of the truck, the other arm resting out the window, and he had a goofy grin on his face. "Am I country enough for ya yet, honey?" He said in a convincing country accent that made my heart melt.

"Oh Lucas," I said in a high southern bell voice, "you're a doll."

"Why, thank you ma'am." We both burst out laughing. I loved moments like this.  
"How'd you sleep, pretty girl?" Lucas asked in a normal voice.  
"Not very well, to be honest, but hey; I made it through the night alone!" I said cheerily.

"I'm glad you did it on your own, but you need to sleep." Luke said throwing a glance of concern my way and we rode down the street.

"Yeah, Luke. But so do you and Brooke. I can't keep either of you up all night like I have been."

"We're here for you, baby you know that we don't mind."

"Yes, but I mind. I feel bad. I could tell you weren't very happy yesterday either so it's best if I let you sleep." I sighed as I stared down at my hands.

"I'm sorry I was grumpy toward you, Peyton. I didn't mean to be. Speaking of yesterday, how are you feeling?"

"I think I have a bad cold. My nose is stuffy, I have a headache, a sore throat, and I have a cough, but you could probably tell that." I chuckled, letting out another cough.

"Aw, well you can sleep on the plane, babe. It's around five hours."

"Um Luke?" I asked trying to swallow the nervous lump in my throat.

"Yeah?"

"I'm scared. You gotta hold my hand okay? I haven't flown so long in a while. Even the flight to see Jake a few months ago, I had major anxiety during take off and landing, and I'm sure it's a lot worse now. I flew to California with my mom and dad when I was five, it's been a while, and I'm terrified." I was a little ashamed to admit just how terrified I was, but Luke had seen me at my worst, so there really was no such thing as being embarrassed around him.

"Hey, it's okay baby. I'll be right there for you, I promise." He said taking my hand.

We arrived at the homeless shelter and explained all the food to the woman in charge. She and her staff gave us surprised looks and smiles as they collected the food to put it all away.

"Thank you for bringing it here! The people who come here will be very grateful of this wonderful gift. I must say, I'm surprised. Kids your age don't usually thing like this. Very smart!" The woman rambled as she examined som fruit before placing it in a bowl at the front desk. "You two travel safe, okay?"

"Thank you, ma'am." I said with a smile.

After the homeless shelter, we went back to my place. Luke dropped me off and headed to Junk's house to give his truck back. I sadly pulled my comet into the garage and locked it up, retiring the old car until my return, whenever that would be. I checked all the locks on the doors and windows around the house before gathering my luggage on the front porch. Lucas got a ride back to my house from Junk, arriving a mere five minutes before Brooke arrived. We packed all our stuff into the rental car and climbed in the back seat it was a quiet ride to the airport, we only spoke after we'd dropped the car off and collected our luggage from the back.

"You ready, Peyton?" Brooke asked as we headed to the shuttle that would take us to security.

"Nervous, but ready. Are you?" I responded.

"Yeah. Is anxiety part of that RTS thing you were talking about yesterday?" Brooke asked randomly.

"Yeah, I thought I'd told you, Brooke." I glanced at Luke, realizing that I hadn't told him about that. "Oh wow I forgot to tell you, Luke! I called that psychologist lady and had her change my diagnosis to Rape Trauma Syndrome instead of PTSD."

"Uh, what's Rape Trauma Syndrome?" Luke asked as we climbed onto the shuttle. It was fairly empty and we were all able to sit together.

"It's like, panic attacks, anxiety, the crying, nightmares, moods wings, sexual stuff, you know." I mumbled.

"I'm glad you found something to explain it." Luke sighed. "I just want you to to feel better, Peyton. I know this can't be rushed, but I want you to get back to your normal self. Maybe that's one step closer, you know. I don't even know how that really makes sense, it just does."

"No - I know Lucas. I know what you mean, baby. I get it."

We continued through security and made it to our gate a whole two hours before our scheduled boarding time. The airport was fairly empty, allowing us to find good seats at the gate to settle down. Brooke went to the Burger King in the food court to get food for all three of us, while Luke and I sat in silence. He pulled out his laptop and started looking at some of the publishers I'd sent his book to. After I'd sent the first few, he'd started sending it to more and more. I really hoped he got a break soon. His book was worth it.  
I had my sketchbook in my lap, and I was sketching a plane from a picture reference on my phone. I could've used one of the planes outside the huge window, but they were constantly moving and not in the position I wanted to draw. I drew the plane soaring through the clouds. Trying to make it as realistic as possible. Though my style was more cartoonish, I could pull off realistic easily.  
I noticed as I was coloring how dark I was making the colors. I had an unusually strong grip on my colored pencil and was pressing way too hard into the paper. My heart pounded in my chest as I placed the pencil down so that I could try and relax my hand. I knew immediately what was happening; I was having a minor anxiety attack. I tried my hardest not to let it escalate. I took in deep breaths. and counted out how long my they were. It only took a moment for Lucas to notice.

"Hey, what's wrong, P?" I nearly lost it when he asked but I was just barely able to keep it together. I bit my lips as I felt tears start to well in my eyes. It was turning into full-blown panic.  
Lucas put a protective, calming arm around me as I close my eyes tight. I slowly pulled my knees to my chest, sliding my sketchbook away onto Brooke's seat. I curled against Lucas and tried not to make a sound. I didn't want any stranger to think there was something wrong with me. I focused on my breathing for a few minutes until I felt a little better.

When I finally unfurled myself, I glanced up to see Brooke headed our way with Burger King bags and a drink carrier. I hurried to put away my art supplies so that Brooke would have a place to sit. She handed me and Luke our food before settling down with hers.

"What's up, P? You look like you've been crying." Brooke asked as she bit into a chicken strip.

"It was nothing. I'm fine." Brooke gave me the look that told me she could see through my bullshit. "Really, Brooke. It's not important." She rolled her eyes at me before continuing with her meal.

Before long, they called us to board the plane. I clung to Lucas's arm as we walked down the shaky tunnel to the plane. I insisted that we sit at the back of the plane so that people wouldn't look at me. They agreed and we headed straight back. Lucas and I let Brooke have the window seat, while I took the middle, with Luke on the isle seat. I clutched onto Luke's and Brooke's arms for dear life as the plane pulled out of the gate. This wasn't new to me, but so many things had gone wrong lately, and this was such a long flight that I was terrified.

The take off was terrifying, Luke held my hand like he promised,and most of the flight was okay. I fell asleep with my head on Brooke's shoulder and my legs draped across the armrest and Luke. Brooke found it extremely funny that she got my head and Luke got my feet, and eventually we changed positions so that I was leaning on Luke and she was leaning on me. We both fell asleep like that. I had a panic attack when the plane hit turbulence, but Luke and Brooke were able to calm me down before it got bad. We had fun on the flight, but we were all dreading seeing Brooke's parents.

* * *

**Okay i am so sorry for this chapter. I know it took a while and it's short and I didn't even read over it so it probably had thousands of mistakes. I had zero inspiration when I was writing it cause it's not an exiting even. **

**I apologize. Please review! **


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